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21 Things You Find Out When You Become A Stripper

Advice from a stripper: Never drink the wine at a strip club.

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1. It's not complicated to become a stripper, but you do have to audition.

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If you've got what it takes it should be as simple as walking into a club, dancing on stage for the manager, and booking your first shifts.

2. Stealing a stripper's song is almost as bad as taking their customer.

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What we dance to allows us to clearly declare who we are to the whole club, so imitation is not really flattery.

3. We're usually asleep from 6am–3pm.

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So it's important that we have some goddamn heavy blinds, or throw an extra blanket over our curtains.

4. We know every place in the city that's still open and selling food at 5am.

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After a nine-hour shift, a girl has got to eat.

8. We are immune to flattery.

9. Sometimes we walk out with less money than we came in with.

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Most strippers are freelancers, so some nights we might be booking continuous dances and going home with lots of money, but on others the club might be empty and after paying a house fee, we end up with less cash than we came in with.

10. We buy the cheap perfume, because we go through a bottle a week.

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12. The changing room is where the drama goes down and where all the real fun is.

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There will always be either a girl having fake tan rubbed into her butt or someone on the hysterical brink of exhaustion. More often than not, there'll be both.

13. Strippers work at that time of the month, they just trim their tampon string.

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15. A stripper's bag is full of secrets.

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Wet wipes? Check. Body glitter? Check. Vape? Check. A home-made taser and 100 random business cards that will never be looked at? Check.

18. But more than the physical strain, stripping is emotionally straining.

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The conversations take more effort than any naked headstand ever could.

20. But it's still one of the best jobs around, for many reasons.

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There aren't many jobs where you can tell a rude customer to go die in a fire or run away to travel the world for three months and still have a job to come back to.

Note: This post is based on one person's experience of working in the industry.

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