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The 22 Most Middle-Class Things That Have Ever Happened In Scotland

“Do you know what this salt needs? More kale.” – No one, ever.

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1. This shameful offer from a Glasgow kebab shop.

Focaccia right off, pal.
Twitter: @MattandCat

Focaccia right off, pal.

2. This over-the-top kids' entertainment in Edinburgh.

What's wrong with The Singing Kettle?
en.wikipedia.org / Creative Commons / Twitter: @kerrisduffy / BuzzFeed

What's wrong with The Singing Kettle?

3. This haggis "pop-up".

So trendy.

4. This comment overheard in a Glasgow branch of Waitrose.

CALL CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES!
rightmove.co.uk / Facebook: overheardinwaitrose / BuzzFeed

CALL CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES!

5. And this one, overheard in an Edinburgh branch.

"Little man." WTF?
panoramio.com / Creative Commons / BuzzFeed / Facebook: overheardinwaitrose

"Little man." WTF?

6. These "kids' favourites."

"No, Catriona, you can't have any crudites until you finish your Merguez sausage. Don't make me tell nanny."
Twitter: @KatieBuchanan

"No, Catriona, you can't have any crudites until you finish your Merguez sausage. Don't make me tell nanny."

7. This "beer brew kale salt", for sale in Edinburgh.

"Do you know what this salt needs? More kale." – No one, ever.
Twitter: @glynhudson

"Do you know what this salt needs? More kale." – No one, ever.

8. And this peat-smoked Hebridean sea salt spotted in a Scottish branch of Waitrose.

Because if it isn't smoked with peat and harvested from the shores of the remote Scottish Hebridean Isle of Lewis, is it even salt?
Twitter: @hebseasalt

Because if it isn't smoked with peat and harvested from the shores of the remote Scottish Hebridean Isle of Lewis, is it even salt?

9. This Pinot Grigio-related outrage.

Remember the Pinot Grigio wars of 2015? 12 people were mildly offended and someone dropped their copy of The Guardian in a puddle.
Twitter: @timabrahams

Remember the Pinot Grigio wars of 2015? 12 people were mildly offended and someone dropped their copy of The Guardian in a puddle.

10. This deconstructed cheesecake from a Glasgow gastropub.

"I'll have a jar of cream and some crumbs on a slate, please!" "Coming right up."
Twitter: @Mawheid

"I'll have a jar of cream and some crumbs on a slate, please!" "Coming right up."

11. This overpriced nonsense.

Mixing Irn-Bru with champagne is such a waste of Irn-Bru.
Twitter: @AFraserAllen

Mixing Irn-Bru with champagne is such a waste of Irn-Bru.

12. This utter travesty.

It's not even a decent-sized portion FFS.
Twitter: @mickmcavoy

It's not even a decent-sized portion FFS.

13. This "artesian water" from Fiji.

Because as we all know, Scotland doesn't have any clean, fresh mineral water, good-quality tap water, or springs at all. Thank goodness for Fiji!!!!!!
Twitter: @fifealex

Because as we all know, Scotland doesn't have any clean, fresh mineral water, good-quality tap water, or springs at all. Thank goodness for Fiji!!!!!!

14. This sign in a Scottish branch of Waterstones.

Who would even do such a thing?
Twitter: @StevFBrown

Who would even do such a thing?

15. And this exceedingly restrained crime in Bearsden.

It was probably a £50 note that he didn't need anymore.
Twitter: @SlowSlownews

It was probably a £50 note that he didn't need anymore.

16. This affront to Rabbie Burns.

You don't put gin in haggis, and you certainly don't combine it with a lamb whatsit or panko bollocks either. For shame.
Twitter: @Becca_PR

You don't put gin in haggis, and you certainly don't combine it with a lamb whatsit or panko bollocks either. For shame.

17. Not to mention this utter abomination.

The roof slate isn't even the worst thing: Who the fuck serves salad with haggis, neeps, and tatties?
Twitter: @JMould87

The roof slate isn't even the worst thing: Who the fuck serves salad with haggis, neeps, and tatties?

18. This hot coffee, served in a motherflipping glass.

Because everyone loves having severely burned fingers.
Twitter: @VivGroskop

Because everyone loves having severely burned fingers.

19. And this coffee served in a bloody shopping trolley.

"Yeah I'll just wheel this right into my mouth, cheers Tarquin."
Twitter: @WeWantPlates

"Yeah I'll just wheel this right into my mouth, cheers Tarquin."

20. This unashamedly pretentious bike ride.

There's even a guy with fucking red trousers in the background. Argh.
Twitter: @colingilchrist

There's even a guy with fucking red trousers in the background. Argh.

21. This unicycling commuter.

Bet he could totally afford a two-wheeled one.
Twitter: @ailsamg

Bet he could totally afford a two-wheeled one.

22. And, of course, this "crochet protest" in Edinburgh.

"What do we want?" "TRAMS!" "When do we want them?" *CROTCHETS A RESPONSE FRANTICALLY*
Twitter: @Cmacf76

"What do we want?" "TRAMS!"

"When do we want them?" *CROTCHETS A RESPONSE FRANTICALLY*