19 Things Only People Who Love Cooking But Are Fucking Lazy Will Understand

Buying all the ingredients for a fancy meal is the same as actually cooking it, right?

1. You buy posh ingredients and get excited about using them, but then get takeout every night instead.

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You come home determined to finally cook a spicy lemon tagine with roasted red peppers, but somehow find yourself making a a cheese toastie instead.

2. And do you arrange those ingredients tidily in your cupboards? Ha ha! Do you, balls.

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You just toss everything in together, which means that it takes you about a hundred years to find that one specific ingredient you were looking for.

3. When you do cook (and get into "the zone") you usually don't clean as you go along.

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So the kitchen ends up looking like the aftermath of a nuclear disaster by the time you've finished making that (delish) chicken parmigiana with creamy mash.

4. Which means when you decide to make another meal, someone (you) has left things in a shitty mess.

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And you CBA to wash the dishes, so you just stick a ready meal in the grubby oven instead, or order a pizza. Or move house.

5. You're a huge fan of "one-pot" meals, because it means you have way fewer dishes to wash.

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In fact, you often try to make meals that should really involve, say, about five pots into a one-pot meal. Like entire Christmas dinners.

6. Leftovers make you happier than anything else in your entire life.

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You get to eat YOUR delicious food just the way you like it, and you don't actually have to do any work because "past you" already did it. Thanks, past you!

7. Which means you're a little bit protective of them.

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Woe betide anyone who steals your precious leftovers. They will surely perish.

8. You can't count the number of times you've bought really nice vegetables, then left them to rot.

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Or turn into terrifying alien life forms, like this bag of potatoes/triffids.

9. And when you do cook veg, you're a little bit relaxed about prepping it (to say the least).

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Finely chopped veg is for other people. You just hack food into chunks, and that's fine. Unless it's garlic, which ends up looking like creepy discarded childs' teeth.

10. You're a genius when it comes to substitutions.

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Because you simply cannot be fucking arsed to change out of your pyjamas, go to the store, and buy the right ingredients. Forgot to buy chicken? Use apple sauce!

11. Although your improvisations, DIY solutions, and shortcuts sometimes lead to disaster.

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"I'm sure this dish is oven safe."

*Five minutes later*

"Oh dear my cooker has exploded."

12. You rarely plan your meals, or, if you do, you don't actually stick to that plan.

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Sometimes you'll have biscuits for dinner, at other times you'll decide to cook a gourmet meal for two. It depends on how lazy you feel on any given day.

13. You don't get the point of meal-prep companies that promise to take the "misery" out of cooking.

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You either cook an epic meal and get the satisfaction that comes with creating a masterpiece, or microwave a baked bean pizza. There can be no half measures.

14. You spend literally hours reading recipe books, and looking at tasty videos online.

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But you never actually make any of those recipes. You just buy the ingredients, then cram them into your overflowing cupboards until they go off.

15. You watch loads of cookery shows too, and convince yourself you'd win if you were on them.

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Maybe you would win, but you'll never get 'round to filling in an application form. It's much easier to shout at the TV while eating custard creams instead.

16. Because you know what counts as tasty, well-cooked food, you feel ashamed when you cut corners.

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That doesn't stop you from cutting those corners, but it does mean that you feel extra dirty, naughty, and wrong when you eat, say, a Pot Noodle sandwich.

17. You love having dinner parties to show off your cooking skills, but you're rarely ready on time.

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You leave the prep 'til the last minute, then end up panicking when your guests arrive and you have no clothes on and nothing is cooked and your kitchen is on fire.

18. So your mates often end up having to help you do lots of chopping, dicing, and other boring stuff.

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While you concentrate on drinking wine, and rummaging around in various cupboards trying to remember where the fuck you put the tagine paste.

19. But your friends usually forgive you because when you do put the effort in, your food is bomb AF.

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It might be an idea to actually clean up after yourself once in a while, though.