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24 Pieces Of Crap You'll Find In Every Tacky Scottish Gift Shop

Bloody kilt towels.

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1. An absolutely bollocks statue of "William Wallace".

This is what he actually looked like.

2. These incredibly tasteful shot glasses.

"LOL! It says 'bottoms up' and you can see his literal bottom!" "Get 12."
Twitter: @MiddleAgedCred

"LOL! It says 'bottoms up' and you can see his literal bottom!" "Get 12."

3. Truly dreadful CDs.

Not pictured: The Braveheart soundtrack, The Scottish Police Pipe Band Orchestra Play The Theme Tune From Taggart, and a Big Country compilation.
Twitter: @ExquisiteUltra

Not pictured: The Braveheart soundtrack, The Scottish Police Pipe Band Orchestra Play The Theme Tune From Taggart, and a Big Country compilation.

4. Bagpipe magnets that look like badly injured ballsacks.

5. Something with "I ❤ London" on it, because the gift shop owner wants to maximise tourist profits.

6. And disposable cameras, because they're stuck in the '90s.

7. Bloody kilt towels.

These definitely weren't photoshopped onto a random family photo.
Twitter: @lorrainel

These definitely weren't photoshopped onto a random family photo.

8. "Scottish Clan Crest" pins, made from the finest pewter.

We use them to hold up our kilt towels, obviously.
Twitter: @search

We use them to hold up our kilt towels, obviously.

9. These damn condoms:

10. And these ones:

11. Mildly offensive bumper stickers

Because all Scottish people are sweary, rude, and wear kilts (obviously).
Twitter: @jonrust

Because all Scottish people are sweary, rude, and wear kilts (obviously).

12. A horrible mug in a tartan box.

This one also comes with a bonus "I heart wine" badge. Bargain.
Twitter: @LaMandyMod

This one also comes with a bonus "I heart wine" badge. Bargain.

13. Ugly, overpriced pairs of tartan tights.

Sprayed with liberal amounts of Vanish to keep them fresh (apparently).
Twitter: @travelworkshop

Sprayed with liberal amounts of Vanish to keep them fresh (apparently).

14. Coasters featuring this man's hairy arse.

He clearly went to the the tartan tights shop before his photoshoot.
Twitter: @jordanpierson

He clearly went to the the tartan tights shop before his photoshoot.

15. These badly-made toys.

Its arm looks like a penis.
Twitter: @KateCarrett

Its arm looks like a penis.

16. Approximately 3,000 boxes of this shortbread.

Which is inevitably 150% more expensive than it is in Tesco.
Twitter: @SallyGFood

Which is inevitably 150% more expensive than it is in Tesco.

17. Overpackaged, overpriced Edinburgh rock.

Sweet shop price: 90p per quarter. Tat shop price: £4.99 per tartan suitcase.
Twitter: @ilovekimbles

Sweet shop price: 90p per quarter. Tat shop price: £4.99 per tartan suitcase.

18. And this extremely expensive haggis.

"Just popping out to buy some £6.99 Stahly Quality Foods individually boxed haggis." – No Scottish person, ever.
Twitter: @lingchef

"Just popping out to buy some £6.99 Stahly Quality Foods individually boxed haggis." – No Scottish person, ever.

19. Nonsensical "Keep Calm and Carry On" rip-offs.

"Keep Calm And Haud Your Wheesht, Calm Doon And Eat Haggis, Keep Calm And Bagpipe On, Keep Calm Something Something Generic Scotticism."
Twitter: @DavyTolmie

"Keep Calm And Haud Your Wheesht, Calm Doon And Eat Haggis, Keep Calm And Bagpipe On, Keep Calm Something Something Generic Scotticism."

20. Inauthentic kilts that look like a Catholic girls' school uniform.

And cost about £150 each.
Twitter: @swingin_singer

And cost about £150 each.

21. "Decorative" bagpipes.

"Imported"? Wait, aren't they from here?
Twitter: @DSi77

"Imported"? Wait, aren't they from here?

22. These tea towels:

23. A pile of "hilarious" wild haggises (haggi?)

Just £10.99 each.
Twitter: @signorbump

Just £10.99 each.

24. And, of course, these fucking hats.

Fun fact: 87% of Scotland's income is generated by selling these to drunk Geordie stag parties.
Twitter: @McQueGardens

Fun fact: 87% of Scotland's income is generated by selling these to drunk Geordie stag parties.