17 Weird Scottish Quirks That Make Americans Say "What The Fuck?"
"Tonight I ordered a cheeseburger and a burger filled with cheese deep-fried in batter arrived. What is Scotland?"
1. The incomprehensible wonders of Scottish Twitter.
Scottish Twitter has just overtaken whisky as our most popular export.
2. Irn-Bru.
First of all, it's not "soda", it's "juice". Secondly: please don't throw shade at Irn-Bru when your country invented root beer, aka fizzy Germolene.
3. Cheese-in-burgers...
4. ...macaroni pies...
Seriously guys, you love mac n' cheese. Why don't you have these in the U.S.?
5. ...and our food in general.
Er, we don't deep fry everything, actually. Just pizza, burgers, Mars bars, chips, fish, sausages, king rib, haggis...um.
6. Takeaways that serve alcohol.
What she doesn't realise is that we only order wine from a chippy if it's 9.55pm and we won't make it to the off licence in time. It's our fourth emergency service.
7. Getting wasted on trains.
There are literally 204,202 more of these tweets. Americans just don't understand why we treat Scotrail like a series of mobile pubs.
8. Letting dugs into pubs.
Apart from Scottish Twitter and Irn-Bru, pub dogs are our finest invention.
9. And rude pub quiz names.
In America, they call pub quizzes "trivia nights", and no one calls their teams things like "Quiz On My Tits." Shame.
10. Fancy-dress stag dos.
Most Ryanair flights from Scotland to Ibiza or Magaluf are 90% Super Marios.
11. Sunbathing in March and April.
OK, we know this is weird. We've got an extra-high tolerance for cold weather, and also a severe vitamin D shortage that affects our sense of judgement.
12. Well-fired rolls.
Americans don't know the crunchy delight they're missing. All they have are bagels, hot dog buns, and soft, pale sub rolls that look like flaccid bread cocks.
13. Our batshit weather.
If you don't go out wearing sunglasses, shorts, wellies, and a winter coat, you're not Scottish.
14. Our TV shows.
Craiglang and Texas really are worlds apart.
15. Calling children "weans".
It must cause a lot of confusion all round. "That's my Wayne." "But she's a girl".
16. Our national animal.
No one said national animals had to be real.
17. And, last but not least, our sweeties.
Hmmm, taking the piss out of "granny sookers" and "horehound rock" is a bit rich coming from a country that invented chocolate nips, frankly.