back to top

17 Weird Scottish Quirks That Make Americans Say "What The Fuck?"

"Tonight I ordered a cheeseburger and a burger filled with cheese deep-fried in batter arrived. What is Scotland?"

Posted on

1. The incomprehensible wonders of Scottish Twitter.

Scottish Twitter has just overtaken whisky as our most popular export.
Twitter: @daftnonsense / Twitter: @awwwnawmate / Twitter: @wittybarnes

Scottish Twitter has just overtaken whisky as our most popular export.

2. Irn-Bru.

First of all, it's not "soda", it's "juice". Secondly: please don't throw shade at Irn-Bru when your country invented root beer, aka fizzy Germolene.
Twitter: @twitkorp

First of all, it's not "soda", it's "juice". Secondly: please don't throw shade at Irn-Bru when your country invented root beer, aka fizzy Germolene.

3. Cheese-in-burgers...

4. ...macaroni pies...

Seriously guys, you love mac n' cheese. Why don't you have these in the U.S.?
Twitter: @estellemaskame

Seriously guys, you love mac n' cheese. Why don't you have these in the U.S.?

Advertisement

5. ...and our food in general.

Er, we don't deep fry everything, actually. Just pizza, burgers, Mars bars, chips, fish, sausages, king rib, haggis...um.
Twitter: @tonofpendle

Er, we don't deep fry everything, actually. Just pizza, burgers, Mars bars, chips, fish, sausages, king rib, haggis...um.

6. Takeaways that serve alcohol.

What she doesn't realise is that we only order wine from a chippy if it's 9.55pm and we won't make it to the off licence in time. It's our fourth emergency service.
Twitter: @marykate_wolken

What she doesn't realise is that we only order wine from a chippy if it's 9.55pm and we won't make it to the off licence in time. It's our fourth emergency service.

7. Getting wasted on trains.

There are literally 204,202 more of these tweets. Americans just don't understand why we treat Scotrail like a series of mobile pubs.
Twitter: @Laurencain2 / Twitter: @http://Twitter.com/ lizhall349 / Twitter: @Rossybbzz

There are literally 204,202 more of these tweets. Americans just don't understand why we treat Scotrail like a series of mobile pubs.

8. Letting dugs into pubs.

Apart from Scottish Twitter and Irn-Bru, pub dogs are our finest invention.
Twitter: @katie_pooch / Hilary Mitchell

Apart from Scottish Twitter and Irn-Bru, pub dogs are our finest invention.

Advertisement

9. And rude pub quiz names.

In America, they call pub quizzes "trivia nights", and no one calls their teams things like "Quiz On My Tits." Shame.
Twitter: @therealwhitey1

In America, they call pub quizzes "trivia nights", and no one calls their teams things like "Quiz On My Tits." Shame.

10. Fancy-dress stag dos.

Most Ryanair flights from Scotland to Ibiza or Magaluf are 90% Super Marios.
Twitter: @aktjan

Most Ryanair flights from Scotland to Ibiza or Magaluf are 90% Super Marios.

11. Sunbathing in March and April.

OK, we know this is weird. We've got an extra-high tolerance for cold weather, and also a severe vitamin D shortage that affects our sense of judgement.
Twitter: @tomcoronel / Twitter: @grungedevries

OK, we know this is weird. We've got an extra-high tolerance for cold weather, and also a severe vitamin D shortage that affects our sense of judgement.

12. Well-fired rolls.

Americans don't know the crunchy delight they're missing. All they have are bagels, hot dog buns, and soft, pale sub rolls that look like flaccid bread cocks.
Twitter: @xangma

Americans don't know the crunchy delight they're missing. All they have are bagels, hot dog buns, and soft, pale sub rolls that look like flaccid bread cocks.

Advertisement

13. Our batshit weather.

If you don't go out wearing sunglasses, shorts, wellies, and a winter coat, you're not Scottish.
Twitter: @tashaa_barnes

If you don't go out wearing sunglasses, shorts, wellies, and a winter coat, you're not Scottish.

14. Our TV shows.

Craiglang and Texas really are worlds apart.
Twitter: @stephosnacks

Craiglang and Texas really are worlds apart.

15. Calling children "weans".

It must cause a lot of confusion all round. "That's my Wayne." "But she's a girl".
Twitter: @FOBulousstump

It must cause a lot of confusion all round. "That's my Wayne." "But she's a girl".

16. Our national animal.

No one said national animals had to be real.
Pixabay/ Creative Commons / Twitter: @hollyechristian

No one said national animals had to be real.

17. And, last but not least, our sweeties.

Hmmm, taking the piss out of "granny sookers" and "horehound rock" is a bit rich coming from a country that invented chocolate nips, frankly.
Twitter: @muddycreeku

Hmmm, taking the piss out of "granny sookers" and "horehound rock" is a bit rich coming from a country that invented chocolate nips, frankly.