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18 Struggles Scottish Lesbians Know Only Too Well

"Are you gay Morag or straight Morag?"

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1. The Scottish lesbian scene is pretty limited.

Even in big cities like Edinburgh. Bye, lesbian club with the funniest name ever.

2. Which means when you do go out, you inevitably end up bumping into every girl you've ever met.

FOX / Giphy

"Shagged her, shagged her, ex-girlfriend, shagged her..." (repeat to fade).

3. And the exact same people are all there the minute you open Tinder too.

NBC / Giphy

"Fuck oooooffffffff."

4. Unless you live in a rural area or on an island, in which case you have a very different problem.


5. Accessing decent sex toys can be a struggle too.

Instagram: @greatglencharcuterie

Your typical small town shop has plenty of haggis and ordnance survey maps, but very few strap-ons.

6. And ordering online can lead to disappointment.

"It's a bit big."
Bertrand Guay / AFP / Getty Images

"It's a bit big."

7. Plus if you do live in a rural area, everyone knows about you. Everyone.

Netflix / Giphy

"Oh, you must be gay Morag." "Please stop calling me that."

8. Our Pride parades look like this:

Which means we must be extra proud, as marching means freezing our vaginas off.

9. We've all been to at least one cheesy lesbian "club" night in a pub function room out of sheer desperation.


"This will definitely become a regular event! Use it or lose it, ladies!"

*Chooses to lose it*

10. Or considered joining a very random social group just to meet any new women.

Instagram: @miranda_dean25

Then realised you don't like reading, munro bagging, knitting, caravanning, or poking fires with a long stick. *Opens Tinder again*.

11. And slept with at least one non-Scot who we know only likes us for our accent.

Disney / Giphy

"OMG, I love the way you say 'horrrrny'. It's just too adorable! Wait, where are you going?"

12. Our lesbian clothing choices feel pretty limited at times.

Instagram: @__heyguysitsnicole

"Teenage boy section of Primark, or Superdry again?"

13. Which means pretty much everyone has the same pair of shoes.

Instagram: @missbluekitty

14. Not that it matters, as it's hard to look hot when you’re wearing five layers and a North Face coat.


Typical summer scene in Glasgow.

15. Everyone assumes you either know, or fancy, Susan Calman.

We don't fancy her: She is our spiritual leader and we treat her with the respect she deserves. We do all know her though.

16. You have seriously mixed feelings about Lip Service.

We're annoyed that BBC Three's lesbian drama, Lip Service, won't be returning to our screens! No more Heather Peace!

On the one hand it was about lesbians in Glasgow, plus it introduced Heather Peace to the world. But on the other, it was quite crap.

17. Also, most of the characters were English. WTF?

BBC / Giphy

"Hello my good sir, I'll have a munching box and a cup of Earl Grey, please." Said no Glaswegian ever.

18. You still regularly check out the sex scenes though, even though you know they don't reflect your life.

You're meant to be under that duvet, ladies. It's fucking freezing.