21 Scottish People Who Definitely Have A Death Wish

RIP in advance.

1. This Buckfast-fuelled cyclist.

This person will not last long if they continue to use Buckie as a sports rehydration drink.

2. Darren, who is a cheeky sod.

If he doesn’t learn to keep his lip buttoned he will definitely not survive.

3. This hiker, who is not very good at hiking.


He should take up a safer sport, like knitting, or sitting quietly in a corner.

4. And this mountaineer, who is extremely bad at mountains.


“See you at the bottom!”

5. This kamikaze airline passenger.

“I just assumed plane toilets jutted straight out from the side of the aircraft.”

6. And “Aberdeen man”.

Who will probably continue his hobby of gathering dangerous selfies this year. Next on the list: Selfies with everyone in ISIS.

7. These decorators.

cant stop watching this hahaha

— ✖️ (@lxwissss)

Who should probably find a new job that doesn’t involve ladders, or they may soon become dead.

8. And this poor builder, who’s also in the wrong job.

Still cracks me up

— Scottish Tweets (@Scottish_Tweets)

“Where the fuck am a meant to put ma weight ya fuckin’ wankstain.”

9. Robbie, who should definitely not be allowed a car.

“I’m going to take the car!” *tries to start it with a doughnut* *passes out*

10. And Devyn, who is an even bigger numpty.

How was he driving while he was half out of the car? With his dick?

11. Sophie.

Maybe we should all have a whip-round for her so she doesn’t starve.

12. These unfortunate and foolish souls.


— paddy🎯 (@PaddyBarrett67)

Grabbing a tire mid swing = very unwise.

13. Anyone who eats this pie.

It does look delicious though. At least they’ll die happy. And they’re already in a hospital; it’s the perfect place to have a heart attack.

14. This absolute madman.

Queen's Park pond

— Dylan (@dyljones8)

That pond is 100% bird shit. He’ll probably die of swan flu or something.

15. This dangling ned.

This is not a sensible sport to take up if you’re a half-drunk jakey. Just look at his pal on the floor. Deid.

16. This man, who should probably just be patient and wait for anaesthetic to work in future.

*Dies of horror*

17. Chloe, who probably shouldn’t be allowed to live on her own, or use scissors.

She needs to be kept in a secure facility somewhere nice and safe, and given no access to interior decoration supplies.

18. This “I DGAF if I fall to my death” sunbather.

But at least he will have a lovely tan at his funeral.

19. And finally, this house-proud Glasgow gran, who should probably invest in an abseiling harness.

She’s five floors up! What a mad yin.

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Hilary Mitchell is the Scotland editor for BuzzFeed and is based in Edinburgh.
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