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    38 Reasons You Should Never Visit Scotland

    It's so grey and ugly.

    1. Ignore anyone who says that Scotland is pretty.

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    Old Man of Storr, Isle of Skye.

    2. As you can see, they're completely wrong.

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    Loch Alsh.

    3. It's a bleak, ugly, and depressing place.

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    Beinn Dorain, near Tyndrum.

    4. There's no sense of grandeur or history whatsoever.

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    St Andrews.

    5. Everything is pretty much brand-new.

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    The Callanish Stones, Isle of Lewis.

    6. There's nothing strange, hidden, or mysterious.

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    7. Seriously: Does this country even have a past?

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    Roslin Gunpowder Mill, Midlothian.

    8. If you like beaches, don't bother visiting Scotland.

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    Shieldaig, Ross and Cromarty.

    9. There are no nice beaches here.

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    Dail Beag (Dalbeg) Beach, Isle of Lewis.

    10. Not a single one.

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    Seilebost, Isle of Harris.

    11. The public art is boring and unambitious.

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    The Kelpies, Grangemouth.

    12. And don't even get me started on the buildings. Yawn.

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    Clyde Auditorium, SECC, Glasgow.

    13. Scotland's inner cities are all scary urban hellholes.

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    Edinburgh.

    14. Seriously: Never visit the inner city at night.

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    Glasgow.

    15. It really isn't worth it. Just stay indoors.

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    Dundee.

    16. There's no interesting wildlife to speak of.

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    Young stag, Glencoe.

    17. Yep, it's a pretty lifeless place.

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    Puffins on Handa Island.

    18. Especially the ocean: Nothing to see here.

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    Dolphin, Moray Firth.

    19. The food is greasy, horrible, and unhealthy.

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    Ragout of pumpkin, spinach, and cashew nuts on coriander and raisin couscous from Iglu, Edinburgh.

    20. There are virtually no fresh ingredients available.

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    Shellfish shop, Oban.

    21. And even if you could get fresh seafood, you certainly wouldn't want to collect it from here.

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    Gardenstown Harbour, Aberdeenshire.

    22. There are no regional food specialities...

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    Mellis cheesemonger's in Edinburgh, featuring Auld Lochnagar and Corra Linn.

    23. ...and absolutely nothing to drink either.

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    Whisky display at the Glenlivet Distillery, Speyside.

    24. People definitely don't know how to have a good time in Scotland.

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    Ceilidh at The Hub, Edinburgh.

    25. There are no areas of unspoilt natural beauty.

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    Elgol, Isle of Skye.

    26. It's a polluted, crowded, and built-up country.

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    Fairy pools, Isle of Skye.

    27. Even the farmland is ugly.

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    Ayton, Scottish Borders.

    28. There are no impressive works of engineering.

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    The Forth Rail Bridge, Edinburgh.

    29. It's impossible to escape the hustle and bustle.

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    Loch Muick, Balmoral Estate.

    30. There is very little to do in Scotland...

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    Gourock Golf Club, Inverclyde.

    31. ...no visitor attractions or things to see...

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    Edradour Distillery, Pitlochry.

    32. ...no exciting festivals or events...

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    Up Helly Aa fire festival, Lerwick, Shetland.

    33. ...and no interesting galleries or museums.

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    National Museum of Scotland, Edinburgh.

    34. Nope, not a single one.

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    Kelvingrove Museum, Glasgow.

    35. In short, Scotland is a total cultural wilderness.

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    Edinburgh International Book Festival.

    36. Basically, you'd have to be mad to come to Scotland.

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    Kyleakin Castle, Isle of Skye.

    37. It really is the absolute worst.

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    Stirling.

    38. Yes, Scotland is definitely best avoided at all costs.

    Flickr: oliver_clarke / Creative Commons

    Sligachan, Isle of Skye.

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