1.
Hate these wee pricks , actual sit on yer plate n laugh at ye cos yer dinner is shite
2.
Taylor Swift seems like the kinda weirdo ye had in yer primary class that barked when ye spoke to them
3.
Why dae folk ask babies stupid shite lit "Ur gettin big arent ye?" As if the wee cunts gony be like aye Moira yer spot on am oan the protein
4.
See how we've got wallpaper of New York and that in rooms, Ye hink Americans have wallpaper wae flats in the gorbals or suhin
5.
That dug is defo gonnae kill ye hen. Get rid of it pronto
6.
Ave just been informed if ye say "Space Ghetto" in an American accent it sounds like "Spice Girl" in a Scottish accent and a canny stop
7.
my brother just got his 4th unconditional for uni and av just eaten a dog biscuit thinkin it was chocolate
8.
maw asked for music n a gave her it on a USB stick n she went 'how dae a listen ae this' dunno plug it inty yer dinosaur ya absolute caveman
9.
When yer maw tells you yer no gawn oot n yer just lit
10.
On ma driving lesson n ma instructor goes "it's really easy to get inty gear" n am sittin there lit Gerry mate fkn tell me abt it x
11.
Why does folk tweet congrats tae kim kardashion shes hardly fucking showing kanye west yer tweet gawn thats morgan fae govan saying congrats
12.
Why do bouncers no accept YoungScot cards n expect u to bring out a passport like nae hassle mate al b out nxt Sat wi ma boardin pass anaw x
13.
Throwback to ma last decent sleep
14.
Dinny understand young cunts wantin kids man, just buy a PlayStation, theyre cheaper an ye dinny get the jail if ye chuck it oot the windae
15.
Maw n da tryin to shout it ye when ye crack yer phone sayin ye dont look after it aye right fs this hing means more tae me than use do fs
16.
Theres two type ae cunts in the world, folk that say French toast an then fucking reprobates that say eggy bread
17.
A feel like such a catfish when ppl like my pic from the night before n am lyin half deed in bed with a junkie bun n a face full a sudocrem
18.
Don't get people moaning about folk being spoiled, as if you'd be like naw Da you keep that BMW, al get the bus coz am an independent woman
19.
When your too feart to ring the bell so you text yer pal
20.
lit see when ye follow somebody ye ken on insta n they don't follow ye back lit aye right am sorry beyoncé x
21.
When people arrive at your house for pre drinks and you're already steaming
22.
burd in the pub kept tellin everycunt her cat had thumbs n then we ended up in her gaff and shit u not that wee hing could beat u at Fifa
23.
Why do ppl say stuff like "hate being lied to" "hate gettin shampoo in ma eye" "hate cheats" like aww you're dead weird a love aw that stuff
24.
Hate when cunts say aw did ye hear about so an so and yer lit aye but they still tell the story. Fuckin zip it JK Rowling nae one cares
25.
canny deal wi materialistic ppl, ur bf bought u a louis vuitton bag??? aye well mine bought me a kfc n I can tell u who is happier hen
26.
@ICTFC fuck sake mate, fancy leaving us wan oot??
27.
No been ti America but av been in some states x
28.
Canny believe we nearly got wee alan to fit into a Kopparberg box