21 Things That Will Definitely Happen If There's Another Scottish Indyref

    Wearing Saltire face paint and posting poo to your enemies will be mandatory.

    1. Quiet nights down the pub will be banned and replaced with drunken political arguments.

    2. The debate will spill out onto the streets, too.

    3. And at times, people will take things WAY too far

    4. Whenever you see two plane contrails crossing in mid-air, you'll be legally obliged to take a photo.

    5. We'll have to take days off work to form giant human letters that can be seen from space.

    6. Your neighbour who never bothered to take down his giant "YES" sign will die of happiness.

    7. Face paint will be mandatory.

    8. Facebook will be renamed "Listen-To-A-Constant-Stream-Of-Identical-Indyref-Opinionsbook."

    9. Every single public space will look like this, so going to the shops will be very hard.

    Although the BBC will say that there were only two people there.

    10. Comedians with no real stake in the issue will wade in and plead for Scotland to stay.

    Eddie Izzard will visit each home in Scotland individually and cry snotty tears all over you until you agree to vote No.

    11. Newspapers with separate Scottish editions will be forced by law to adopt opposite viewpoints.

    12. Scots living in England will be ostracised.

    13. Toilets will no longer be off-limits for canvassers, leafleters, and persuasive SNP politicians.

    14. All TV broadcasts will be replaced with endlessly long debates about North Sea oil...

    15. ...interspersed with patronising adverts, of course.

    16. And this man will be in every studio audience.

    I wonder how the big man's taking the news. #indyref2

    "WE WILL KEEP OUR UNION TOGETHER IN THE NAME OF JEESSSUUSSS."

    17. People will talk about currency so much, and for so long, the word will lose all meaning.

    18. The White House will try and tell us what to do, and it will trigger a minor war.

    19. Everything will be a conspiracy.

    20. J.K. Rowling will confuse her fans by tweeting about the minutiae of Scottish politics.

    21. And, of course, you'll be pestered by journalists from London-based media companies every day.