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18 Life Goals All Glaswegians Have

One day, someone will get to the front of the Central taxi queue. Maybe.

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1. The goal of ordering a meal in Merchant City and receiving it on a plate instead of a slab of wood.

"Hey, can I get my salad in a miniature wheelbarrow please?" – No one, ever.

2. Or ordering a drink in the West End and not being handed a mason jar full of overpriced crap beer.

Sorry, "craft beer."

3. To get to your train at Central Station without having to battle through a sea of goths.

Just once would be nice.

4. And to use this fucking crossing without having to fight your way through a squad of scene kids.

#GrowingUpScottish nearly gettin ran over here then risking getting jumped aff emos when aw u want is chicken nuggets

Or just, you know, not get run over.

5. To go to a pub and find that – just for once – there isn't an open mic night on.

The dream of one day being able to have a quiet drink without being harassed by teenagers trying to sell you their shit EP will never die.

6. To get your soggy brown bag full of Primark gear home before it disintegrates in the rain.

It's never not raining, and you always buy too much.

7. To have one barbecue in your entire life that isn't totally and utterly ruined by the sadistic weather.

It's Scottish bikini season! #scottishsummer #scottishproblems

Just a single, glorious barbecue with blue skies and cold beer, like the ones you see in ASDA adverts. *Cries*

8. Actually getting up early enough on a Sunday to go on a day trip to Balloch. Or anywhere, for that matter.

But you always have a hangover plus it's always bloody raining so fuck it.

9. To get on the ring road at this junction without ending up stuck in a traffic jam for an hour.

Or any junction, ever. / Creative Commons

Or any junction, ever.

10. To cut through George Square without being caught up in a corporate event, rally, or protest.

"What do we want?" "Something!" "When do we want it?" "Relatively soon!"

11. To one day make it to the front of the giant taxi queue outside Central without giving up.

In a Glasgow taxi queue, all human life is here

"Fuck it, I'll just walk." – You, every time.

13. To find out what magic these guys are using so you can steal it for yourself.

"I don't need to get the subway, I can just hover to work while holding a football."

14. To be free on one of the handful of days a year the tower at the Science Centre is open to visitors.

It was shut for 80% of its life. It shuts when it's windy. It's shut for winter now. It should be called the Shut Tower. #Shut

15. To see Tightroping Violinist Guy fall over.

No one wants to see him hurt himself, of course. Just majestically fuck up while we film it on our phones.

16. To be the mythical chosen one who gets to put the cone on the Duke's head.

What I really want for Christmas is a traffic cone on my head again. My head gets particularly chilly in winter...

He's hardly ever seen bare-headed. And even if you spotted an opportunity like this, what are the odds you'd have a cone to hand? Maybe one day.

17. For Londoners to finally stop going on about Pret.

Be more Glasgow. Queue for greggs out the door and round corner. Meanwhile pret is empty. .. #hopeoverfear

It is not a thing. It doesn't even sell steak bakes. Please shush.

18. To get on any plane going absolutely anywhere – even North Korea – in summer.

Just so you can rise above the clouds, see the sun for a minute, and remind yourself it exists while crying and pawing at the window glass.