21 Problems Only People With A Gaelic Name Will Understand
"What's your name?" "Mairearad MacFhlaithbheartaich." *Delivery guy starts crying*
1. As a kid, you dreamed of finding your name on a gift-shop keyring. But it was never going to happen.
2. In fact, your whole childhood was a series of crushing, name-related disappointments.
3. Which means that its fucking magical when, just for once, a company includes you.
4. Friends with less complicated names think they understand, but they really don't.
5. People make shit jokes about your name all the time, too, and you have to grin and bear it.
6. On the deeply rare occasions a barista gets your name right, you want to kiss them on the mouth.
7. But most of the time, buying coffee is a total clusterfuck.
8. Giving your details over the phone is a complete shitstorm as well.
9. So you've probably invented your own phonetic alphabet to try to explain WTF you're called.
10. People can't even get your name right when you write it down for them. Say, on a visa application form.
11. And dealing with any form of bureaucracy is often a total nightmare.
12. It's even harder if you have a Gaelic surname as well.
13. Even if you say it super sloowwwwwly for people, they can almost never figure out how to pronounce it.
14. But people who mangle your name without asking how it should be pronounced are even worse.
15. If your name is even slightly similar to an English one, you spend your entire life correcting people.
16. And when people say "Can I just call you (anglicised version)?" you fall into a patriotic rage.
17. Although sometimes you give up and let people call you the wrong name for the sake of your sanity.
18. People are always asking you what your name "means", as if it matters.
19. And let's not even talk about Siri.
20. But despite all the crap you have to deal with, you're proud of your historic, beautiful, Gaelic name.
21. It'd be nice if baristas could get a fucking grip though.
Thanks to Caitrìona, Ruaraidh, Niamh, and Màiri for their help and suggestions.