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    Posted on Jan 8, 2018

    21 Hilariously Inspiring Scottish Tweets To Help Get 2018 Off To A Good Start

    "List your top 3 achievements of the year. Then stick that list up your fucking arse."

    1. On healthy eating:

    Twitter: @monkeydogify

    2. On going back to work:

    Are u even at work if u and your work pals don't say 'i can't be arsed' every single time you walk past each over

    3. On the importance of self reflection:

    List your top 3 achievements of the year. They can be big or small, but list whatever feels like an achievement in… https://t.co/qVRf2119NA

    4. On drynuary:

    Canny stick cunts who always go on saying "i dont need alcohol to have a good time" aye that's good for you enjoy your fruitshoot ya cabbage

    5. On veganuary:

    Imagine being a fuckin vegan, walking hame after a night oot steaming like "fuck me i could go a cabbage supper"

    6. On losing those extra pounds:

    I’ve had “before” photos for my weight change on my phone for so long that I’ve had to take more up to date yins cause I’ve put on weight

    7. On staying hydrated:

    Wanting a 2L Capri-sun that a can hang above ma bed n just slurp fuck oot it lit a big 6 foot hamster

    8. On relationships:

    A girl was buying herself perfume n her bf went “do u really need that” n she replied “do a really need u” 😂😂😂 u go hen

    9. On home improvements:

    Mental what a couple a fairy lights can do, ye could put them on a deed body n id be like omg that's fucking lovely get that on ma Instagram

    10. On life goals:

    im at the age where people r askin "so what u doin with ur life" n im like mate am genuinely jus here for a laff x

    11. On deciding to start a family:

    Dinny understand young cunts wantin kids man, just buy a PlayStation, theyre cheaper an ye dinny get the jail if ye chuck it oot the windae

    12. On staying in school:

    Results aren't everything ! A didnt do highers n look at me, am.....well am unemployed right noo but am sound as fuck

    13. On not caring what other people think:

    issue wi males that think it's acceptable to comment on how a girl looks when she's mwi am no oot tae be stunnin am oot tae cut mad shapes

    14. On rejecting materialism:

    canny deal wi materialistic ppl, ur bf bought u a louis vuitton bag??? aye well mine bought me a kfc n I can tell u who is happier hen

    15. On friendship:

    Do u no just look at your pals and wonder how they've made it this far in life and how stupidity hasny killed them yet

    16. On the importance of breakfast:

    Y is my Instagram full of crushed avocado and poached eggs on toast for breakfast, just have some coco pops and piss off

    17. On skincare:

    sudocrem acc fixes everythin wee bita acne??? sudocrem! broke yer leg? put some sudocrem on it!!! yer boyfs cheatin on ye? sudocrem the cunt

    18. On outdoor activities:

    Imagine how ragen bear grylls would be gon camping wae you. He's built 2 hammocks n skinned a deer n you've downed 2 cans n chased a badger

    19. On connecting with other people:

    Double text? Triple text? Who gives a fuck, al text u until you reply ya cunt

    20. On keeping up with your chores:

    How shites the patter you get off neighbours when your cuttin the grass 'you gonnae cut mine as well son haha' naw Linda am no, fuck off

    21. On getting your priorities right:

    My mums just commented this on my cousins Fb status, AHAHAHA wee savage Ang😂😂😂

    Ouch.

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