Will Your Cat Eat You When You Die?
You worry so much we can’t even figure out if you even have a cat. SOMEONE will eat you when you die, but it might not be your cat. You are right to worry, everyone is completely out to get you.
Your cat is far too loyal to eat your dead face. Your cat will sleep beside you until you wake up and future generations will make a statue of your cat some day. He will get a Wikipedia entry and you will be a small footnote in it.
You're realistic and know your cat will nibble your dead fingers in half-hearted way. He's only doing it to ward off starvation and never would have done it if you'd remembered to fill up his bowl of biscuits before you rudely went and died.
It will munch on your happy deluded face when you pass out on the kitchen floor. But you will have a devoted and loving relationship until that moment when you become a dinner considerably less good than the one your cat ate earlier.