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27 Things Australians Learn When They Move To London

It's almost like you're moving to the other side of the world or something.

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1. You go to France way less than you think you're gonna go to France.

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Just because it's not a 24-hour flight doesn't mean you can afford it on your London wages with your new London rent.

2. The sun is a nice thing, not a terrible monster from the sky whose sole purpose is to give you cancer.

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No one wants to sit in the shady corner of the beer garden with you. They probably don't even slip, slop, slap.

3. But you really miss it when it's not there.

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4. As soon as it gets sunny, people get naked.

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NO HAT = NO PLAY.

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5. ...And suddenly decide that pavements are for drinking beer on.

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Occasionally roads are also for drinking beer on until someone shouts at you.

6. SPF 15+ is an acceptable SPF.

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Nobody has a city-wide rotation system where they visit several skin cancer clinics under pseudonyms for a check-up three times as much as recommended. Not even gingers.

7. These signs start appearing when the temperature reaches the scorching heights of winter in Queensland.

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And you start talking about how at school they would let you go home on 40 degree days. Like you'd been in 'Nam.

8. Thongs are things that go up your arse.

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These are called flip-flops now.

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10. A trip to the beach is not a trip to a beach.

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It's a grey wind tunnel with rocks in it, mate.

(The skeleton pier is cool though. We'll give you that.)

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11. Seinfeld is a special interest subject, not general knowledge.

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It was in a weird late-night slot and only about five people watched it. These people work in comic book shops and record stores. Seriously, what's the deal with that.

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13. England's version of Humpty looked like THIS.

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"Haha," you'll say, "it's sort of like that episode of Seinfeld where they had the Bizarro versions of –" NO. STOP SAYING THIS. NO ONE WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

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14. People in England have an inflated sense of how good a Penguin is.

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No, this is not "exactly like a Tim Tam". It's not even a bit like a Tim Tam. You cannot do a Tim Tam Slam with this abomination. Have some fucking respect.

16. Chocolate jelly babies are not a thing here.

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WHY NOT.

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17. It's not as bad as your parents said it would be after they visited in the '80s. No, mum, seriously.

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Brixton is nice now! They have a Starbucks and an H&M and a Franco Manca pizza place! They have kale!

19. Not all maps are geographically accurate. The Tube map is just colourful lies.

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BOLD WORDS FOR SOMEONE WHO JUST SPENT 30 MINUTES GETTING THE TUBE FROM TOTTENHAM ROAD TO GOODGE STREET.

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22. There's this amazing thing called the NHS but you will keep trying to give people money for stuff because you don't get it.

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"You mean...this is free? No but what about the bit where I give you SOME money and then have you arrange to complicatedly give me a portion of that money back after I line up for my whole lunch hour?"

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