1. The guy who sets up a tent in the lounge and lives in it.
2. The one no one actually liked in the interview but who came with a microwave and a pizza oven.
3. The one person who knows when a line has been crossed cleaning-wise, will sigh, and leave a single Post-It.
4. The one who will disappear after a month along with your TV, PlayStation, and all but one of your DVDs.
5. The housemate who says that shampoo is a conspiracy and your body is self-cleaning.
6. The one who lived with you very briefly but whose mail you're still receiving six years later.
7. The bicycle mechanic who has upwards of 50 bikes but only two of them are whole bikes.
8. The one who moved out of home without learning that detergent needs to be rinsed out of clothes.
9. The one who decides to be a lesbian just for the politics.
10. The one who can't walk past some free furniture in the street and provides the house with several brown sofas.
11. The angry one who decorates the house walls with several punch holes.
12. The small hairy one who will wax his entire body and spend 20 hours soaking in a Dettol bath having regrets.
13. The one who cooks fish, only fish.
14. The one who hates doing dishes so much they pack the dirty dishes into a cardboard box and add it to the sea of boxes in the basement.
15. The medical student who will leave lung samples in the communal fridge overnight.
16. The posh one who is slumming it for fun but whose bedroom is entirely furnished with 19th Century antiques.
17. The one who thinks a bouzouki is an acceptable household instrument to play at 3AM.
18. The performance artist who will leave jars of frozen jizz in the freezer for performance art reasons.
19. The one who routinely steals cheese by maintaining the same aspect ratio of the original block.
20. The post-breakup mess who just wants a friend to cuddle on the sofa.
21. The Zooey Deschanel who will put eyes on everything in the fridge because she's so kooky.
22. The one who may or may not still live with you, you're not sure, but all of their stuff is here and you haven't seen them in about six months.
23. The one who thinks underpants are communal.
24. The rich American.
25. The one who never comes out of their room because they're too busy on Chat Roulette wearing a sombrero and getting their dick out.
26. The amateur taxidermist who will fill the freezer with things you don't want to know about.
27. The housemate who is just always having sex.
28. The DJ who watched Nathan Barley while living at home in Hull.
29. The "entrepreneur" who is the "CEO" of a "start-up" that you will ask him about in the kitchen exactly once.
30. You, when you're like:
