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    13 Rejected Sex Toy Designs You'll Be So Glad Aren't Real

    Dishwasher safe!

    For the last few years, British sex toy company Lovehoney has held an annual “Design a Sex Toy” competition that literally anyone can enter.

    The victor goes on to win a bunch of money and see their toy actually made and sold around the world.

    The guy who designed the Sqweel was Trevor Murphy from Dublin, who used his £100,000 in royalties to move to Canada and do improv comedy. It is now the best-selling oral sex toy in the world.

    The hundreds of others go into a ringbinder of broken dreams in the office.

    These are those ones.

    1. So spare a thought for the Boo-Ghost Pleasure Pal, whose ectoplasm lube reservoir was never a reality.

    2. Pour one out for this massager for a singular bollock.

    3. Always keep this blow-job machine with teeth in your memory.

    4. Salute these fingers for pleasure, and these knuckles for ultimate pleasure.

    5. Next time you bend your dick around like a juice box straw, remember the fallen.

    6. When you look at your cat, wonder which bit of it would go into which hole. Now you will never know.

    7. When you think back to your '90s bedroom, wonder what became of your lava lamp.

    8. Next time you have leftover bits from IKEA, remember it could have been worse. You could have been in the same situation, only horny.

    9. And when you love a shoe so much you want to have sex with it, know it will never match up to the Love Pump.

    10. Because butt plugs with bottle opener attachments were only a dream.

    11. Your hairbrush is now nothing but a hairbrush.

    12. On World Goth Day, the BONE-r might have been king.

    13. And in an alternate universe, this sexy camel is giving you simultaneous clitoral, g-spot and anal pleasure.

    Think you can do better? Go on then.

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