1. This petty competitor:
other job applicant: good luck me: im gonna tell the boss you hate his hair other job applicant: what me loudly: I actually like his haircut
2. This physically weak man:
me: my greatest weakness is having no rigid exoskeleton. It means I can be easily stabbed interviewer: me: oh you mean like on the job
3. This bad listener:
Interviewer: 'So where do you see yourself in 5-years time?' Me: 'My biggest weakness? Probably not listening properly.'
4. This qualified pigeon:
5. This successful dreamer:
INTERVIEWER: what's your greatest strength? ME: getting hired in fictional job interviews in my head INTERVIEWER: you're hired ME: see?
6. This honest rebuttal:
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: desperately seeking attention as a salve for the crushing loneliness of existence
7. This show of independence:
INTERVIEWER: do u consider urself independent ME: *looks at mom in chair behind me* MOM: *nods* ME: I'd say yes *gives mom a big thumbs up*
8. This lucky liar:
When you lie on your resume but still get the job.
9. This overeager gesture:
I hate when the other guy goes for a handshake and I go for an open-mouth kiss and oh great now I probably didn't get this job
10. This impressive display:
INTERVIEWER: Says here you have cat-like reflexes? ME: *slowly pushes résumé off desk without breaking eye contact* Yeah that's right
11. This sweet misunderstanding:
interviewer: what can u bring to the firm me: [places a tiny cactus on desk & smiles] interviewer: I meant like clients me: [removes cactus]
12. This proud certificate:
13. This plot twist:
Interviewer 1: describe yourself in one word Me: hired Interviewer 2: *whispers* holy shit can she do that
14. This logical answer:
15. This vital introduction:
16. This shape shifter:
INTERVIEWER: what's your greatest strength? ME: shape shifting INTERVIEWER: is that so? INTERVIEWER: yes INTERVIEWER: holy shit
17. This wordsmith:
Interviewer: What writings of yours are you most proud of? Me: I'd say my insta captions.
18. This clever applicant:
Interviewer: Tell us about a time you were resourceful. Me: I ate a salad with a spoon once because I forgot to grab a fork.
19. This man who lives by his word:
Interviewer: What are your career goals? Me: Live long and prosper. Interviewer: Me: Interviewer: Well that explains the Spock costume.
20. This well connected chap:
INTERVIEWER: One of your references told me he didn't know you at all. ME: Bill Gates is a big liar.
21. And this request for privacy:
[Job Interview] Interviewer: So tell me about your hobbies. Me: Well I really enjoy minding my own goddamn business.