Buzz·Posted on 7 Sept 201727 Of The Most Smartass Kids Of All Time"If I'm watching cartoons on the couch, wouldn't they be couchtoons 'cause I'm not in a car?"by Hattie SoykanBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. Master of Mediocrity @charliedelta7 7: I'm beating you! Me: Ok. 7: I'm way ahead! Me: I see that. 7: I'm gonna win! Me:.... My son on the carousel horse in front of me. 02:20 AM - 13 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Mom Psychologist @mompsychologist 3yo: *follows me into bathroom* Me: "Privacy, please" 3yo: "Oh, right" *closes door* "Now we have privacy, Mommy" 08:48 PM - 25 May 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom My 4 year old spilled water on his bathing suit, so he can't go in the pool until he changes and this is why vodka is a thing. 12:51 PM - 16 Aug 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. JennyPentland @JennyPentland I was arguing with my husband and my son screamed "yay! TWO christmases!" from the other room. 09:11 AM - 06 May 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. ReasonsMySonIsCrying @ReasonsMySonCry My 3yo "accidentally" unspooled the entire roll of toilet paper. But don't worry, he "fixed" it. 12:36 AM - 24 Oct 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn 4-year-old: Why do you go to work? Me: They pay me a salary. 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: I don’t even like celery. 08:25 PM - 28 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. dadmissions @Dadmissions dad: "come on, you guys are LATE!!!!" 11yo: "you should have started YELLING at us earlier!" 03:37 PM - 30 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Bridget Liszewski @BridgetOnTV My 5yo on her 1st day of K: "They asked me to count as high as I could. I could've done 200, but I didn't want to waste anyone's time." 04:24 PM - 26 Aug 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn 7-year-old: Can you buy me a goldfish? Me: No. 7: Is it too expensive? Me: That's not the problem. 7: You could buy me a silver fish. 04:19 PM - 13 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Doyin Richards @daddydoinwork My kid just flushed her socks down the toilet because "dirty stuff goes there." Sound logic, questionable execution. 05:16 PM - 11 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Stephanie Ortiz @Six_Pack_Mom Me: "Why are these Legos all over the floor?!" 5: "To keep everyone else away; it's my computer turn." BRILLIANT. 02:00 PM - 21 Jan 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn Me: Pick up your toys 6-year-old: *picks up a toy and sets it back down* Me: I meant pick it up and put it away 6: I'm not a mind reader. 07:08 PM - 11 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Anne Thériault @anne_theriault 6yo: is Santa Claus real? Me: what do you think? 6yo: I think ... I don't want to have this conversation right now 12:58 AM - 25 Aug 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Red @Snarkles77 4yo:*takin sip of my Dr. Pepper* what flavor is that? Me:Dr. Pepper 4yo:*looks at me like I'm a moron* That's not a flavor, that's a person. 09:55 PM - 19 Aug 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Brian Hope @Brianhopecomedy Apparently I pack an apple in my 5 year old's lunch so it can get out of the house for a few hours. 04:35 PM - 15 Apr 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Tired Working Mom @WorkingMom86 My toddler woke up upset because he couldn't find his glasses, but what really set him off was when I told him he doesn't even wear glasses. 04:08 AM - 31 Jul 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. victor pope jr @VictorPopeJr My son got mad at me yesterday and opened all the bananas in the house. What type of passive aggressive monster... 06:02 PM - 09 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. 💤ack @Mr_Kapowski 7 y/o daughter: "If I'm watching cartoons on the couch then wouldn't they be couchtoons cause I'm not in a car?" No paternity test needed 08:39 PM - 05 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Tragic Ally @TragicAllyHere My 5 yo after I explained the concept of breastfeeding: "can you squeeze Capri Suns outta those things or just milk?" 08:00 PM - 23 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom When you're not hungry for the whole pizza, but you still don't want to share. -4yo life hack 06:43 PM - 17 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. Tim @Playing_Dad [At dinner] Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? Me: Probably like 90% D: So it's 10% balls? Me: *spits out food* 12:39 AM - 03 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn Me: Guess what time it is? 6-year-old: I don't have to guess. I can read the clock. Me: It's time to clean your room. 6: No, it's 2:45. 07:49 PM - 23 Nov 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. Liana Brooks 🌌 @LianaBrooks Me: Let's go pack your lunch for school tomorrow! 5yo: I went to school today. Me: Yes, and you go again tomorrow. 5yo: What?!?!?! 02:26 AM - 06 Sep 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. Mike Hogan @MHoganSays 3YO son: "Why are you 45?" Me: "Because that's just how old I am." 3YO: "Is that the last number? Because that's a lot." 02:11 PM - 21 Nov 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 25. James Breakwell @XplodingUnicorn To anyone out there thinking about having kids, today my 2 year old threw a temper tantrum because she couldn’t get rid of her shadow. 08:29 PM - 23 Mar 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 26. paperwash© @PaperWash Was arguing with my 2 y/o for 30 minutes about why he needs to wear his pants and now we're both sitting in our underwear eating donuts 02:17 PM - 13 Oct 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 27. Jess @jessokfine My 2yo said she is a grown up. I told her she isn't, that she is a toddler. She replied, "No, I'm a grown up. I'm going to touch knives." 02:16 AM - 29 Jun 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite