1.You laugh when you read about dinosaur fossils, because you know they are really God’s little inside joke to confuse atheists.
2.When confronted with a snake, your first impulse is to try to reason with it.
3.You buy ark-simulation software so you can know exactly where Noah could have kept all those animals.
4.When your teenager acts out and gives you lip, you break out in a cold sweat, fearing that you may have to have him stoned.
5.You have the bumper sticker “The only good Canaanite is a dead Canaanite.”
6.When you see a clam bake next door, you hide in your basement fearing God’s wrath might spill over into your yard.
7.You check “prostitute” and “adulterer” on Match.com as qualities for a mate.
8.You take out an “eye and limb” insurance policy, because, well, you never know.
9.You seriously consider castration of your opponent as a legitimate option for settling theological disagreements.
10.You download the End Times Calculator app that surveys names of every global leader and celebrity to see how their name might add up to 666 and gives odds on who is most likely to be the Antichrist.
Do you take the Bible too literally?
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