What An MCU Musical Would Look Like According To A Person Who Loves Both Marvel And Musicals

Give us a Marvel musical, you cowards.

Look, I know Spider-Man: Into the Dark was a bust. But the MCU absolutely NEEDS to have a musical.

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Specifically, a loving musical parody like A Very Potter Musical.

Because I am passionate about this topic, I have decided to lay out exactly what said musical would be like, mostly focusing on its musical numbers. Broadway, take note.

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Seriously. Call me! Let's collab.

1. "I Am Iron Man" by Tony and Ensemble

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We open up on Tony Stark, alone onstage, singing his monologue from the end of Iron Man: "I'm not the hero type, really..." and then as soon as he admits he's Iron Man, the tempo changes into a big, punchy, dance number with the backdrop of New York City as we're quickly introduced to the other Avengers: Thor, Captain America, Black Widow, and Hawkeye.

2. "All My Friends Are Dead" by Steve

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This is a sad ballad where Cap laments the fact that he's woken up in the future, where all of his friends are dead. He talks about modern technology and culture, but he keeps coming back to Bucky and how much he misses him. He says he'd do anything to see Bucky again...even if he was an evil brainwashed super-soldier that killed his friend's parents.

3. "Inevitable" by Thanos

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This is Thanos's villain song. In it, we discover that he's already gotten all the stones: The only one he still needs is the Activation Stone (because he needs one to make them all work, duh), which is with the Avengers. He sings all about his evil goals and fate, and swears the Avengers won't be able to stop him, especially with Loki at his side.

4. "My Brother and Me" by Loki and Thor

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Loki is working with Thanos, so the Avengers question Thor for information on him. Thor tries to describe his contentious relationship with his brother, while in space, Loki tries to do the same when Thanos asks about Thor. They go through all the things they hate about each other, but in the end they come back to the things they miss.

5. "Call Me Daddy" by Bruce, Natasha, and Tony

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Natasha and Bruce bond about their issues, and then Bruce starts pointing between them and realizing hey, maybe they'd make a good couple. Natasha thinks this is stupid, but Bruce has already broken into song in a "Take A Chance On Me"–style song, where he tries to get Natasha to go on a date with him (singing "You can call me daddy").

Near the end of the song, there's a dialogue break where Tony and Peter get in a fight because Peter wants to fight Thanos, but Tony doesn't want anything bad to happen to Peter. As Peter storms offstage, Tony quietly reveals to the audience how much he sees Peter as a son, ending with the lyric: "You can call me daddy." Kind of creepy, kind of funny, but mostly heartwarming.

6. "Handle Your Own Sh**" by T'Challa

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We're transported to Wakanda, where T'Challa is in the middle of a fight for the throne and his people — but the Avengers rush in and beg him for help, saying they need help destroying the Activation Stone. T'Challa pauses everything going on in his storyline, sighing and asking "Again?" He then gives them a rock song lecture on how they should handle their own shit and he shouldn't have to clean up their messes, because he never goes crying for help when Wakanda's in trouble, and now they've put his entire country in danger. In the end, he decides to help them anyways, because he's noble as hell.

7. "The Battle of Wakanda" by Ensemble

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Prior to this song, Loki shows up and warns Thor that Thanos is coming, showing his true allegiances — Thor alerts Wakanda's army. Also, Peter has stowed away on the jet to Wakanda. Tony is super angry, but allows him to fight.

This is a largely instrumental number, with lots of sound effects as the Avengers fight Thanos. Steve is almost killed, but he's saved by someone in disguise: Bucky! Thanos stabs Tony, and Peter comes to help him. In the end, Thanos gets the stone, fatally wounding Loki, whom Thanos realizes has betrayed him.

8. "My Brother and Me (reprise)" by Thor and Loki

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Thor and Loki tearfully sing "My Brother and Me" again, this time together, revealing how much they care about each other and apologizing for past wrongs. In the end, Loki dies before he can finish his part, and Thor finishes it for him.

9. "The Snap" by Thanos

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Thanos sings the song needed to activate the stone. Thor tries to stop him, but it's too late — he finishes the song and snaps. Thor realizes it works as he sees T'Challa disappear.

10. "Mr. Stark" by Peter

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This is another really short, sad song. Peter disappears, singing that he doesn't want to go as he fades away and Tony tries to hold on.

11. "I'm Not Iron Man" by Tony

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This is a dramatic Act 1–ending song, where Tony realizes that he's failed as a leader, father figure, and hero. He decides to quit the Avengers, giving up his life as Iron Man.

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12. "Guardians of Nothing" by Rocket and the Guardians of the Galaxy

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Act 2 starts with the introduction of the Guardians of the Galaxy. With Rocket as the narrator, we see their own story told, and hear about the ways they fought Thanos before ultimately failing and getting dusted at the end of Act 1. Bitterly, Rocket calls them the "Guardians of Nothing," and joins the Avengers (minus Tony). Realizing they've all failed, all the Avengers join in, saying they're also Guardians of Nothing.

13. "Size Doesn’t Matter" by Ant-Man, Bruce, and Natasha

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Ant-Man shows up after Rocket's song, telling the Avengers that he thinks he may have a way to time travel. No one seems to understand it, so he tries to describe it in this song about how small he gets. Meanwhile, Natasha finally starts to develop feelings for Bruce, helping him calm down as he's the Hulk and singing that "size doesn't matter," and she loves him even as the Hulk.

14. "It's Totally Normal To Think Your Best Friend Is Hot" by Bucky and Steve

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As Bucky begins to recover from his mind control after the Battle of Wakanda (he doesn't get dusted in this version, because this is MY musical, you guys), he starts to realize something: Steve is legitimately hot. Could there be something else there? He wrestles with his feelings here, before ultimately deciding Steve doesn't feel the same way. But at the end of the song, as he goes offstage, Steve seems to look at him differently, and sings to the audience: "Is it totally normal to think your best friend is hot?"

15. "Mr. Stark (reprise)" by Steve, Natasha, Bruce, and Tony

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The core Avengers (minus Hawkeye, who the musical has forgotten about) recruit Tony back to the gang, telling him that they need him. Tony decides to come out of retirement, promising things will be different this time, and that he'll sacrifice anything for the cause.

16. "If I Can't Be Important, At Least Let Me Be Funny" by Thor

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The Avengers plan their Time Heist in the background of this song, coming up with plans and contingencies as Thor tries to raise his hand and speak, but is ignored. Frustrated, he keeps going offstage and coming back with larger and larger pints of beers with increasingly absurd straws, and adopting a "IDGAF" persona. At the end of the song, he just decides he's going to do whatever he wants, and starts cracking jokes.

17. "Women Can Do Anything Men Can (Except Time Travel Without Dying)" by Natasha

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Prior to this song, we see some scenes of the Avengers going back in time and getting the stones. Then we go to Natasha, who has a great badass number of fighting bad guys in space before she's faced with a cliff. A man shows up, telling her that only one can survive — she turns around and there's Hawkeye (who we haven't seen since the opening song). He says he'll sacrifice himself for her, but she fights back, saying if he's willing to do it, she can too. She dives off the cliff, and Hawkeye comes back to tell the Avengers what happened.

18. "All My Friends Are Dead (reprise)" by Steve, Bruce, Tony, and Rocket

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Cap keeps trying to sing about how sad Natasha's death is, but Bruce interrupts him, saying he's sadder. Thor interrupts him, saying he's even sadder. Tony interrupts him, claiming to be the saddest, but he's forgotten who they're talking about. Rocket interrupts, saying he has the MOST dead friends. They all agree and cheer up, not seeming to care much about Natasha anymore — Ant-Man suggests throwing in a misguided female empowerment moment later in the film and calling it a day, and they all agree.

19. "The Snap (reprise)" by Bruce

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This is a tiny, one-minute song where Hulk attempts to sing Thor's "Snap" song and snap the glove, but nothing seems to happen. Suddenly: AN EXPLOSION!

20. "The Fight Of Our Lives/Avengers, Assemble" by The Company

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As Thanos returns, the main cast fights against him in a choreographed number of epic proportions. Just as it looks like they're going to lose, the dusted Avengers return and kick some serious Thanos ass.

Peter and Tony are reunited, and we get a little version of "Mr. Stark" in the middle of the song.

21. "Female Empowerment Song" by Ensemble

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This is another short, one-minute, tongue-in-cheek song where a bunch of female characters we've never seen before throw Tony the glove, telling him to take all the credit as usual.

22. "Finale: Endgame" by The Company

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Iron Man sacrifices himself for the greater good. The rest of the cast sings, explaining what happened to them afterward — Cap decided to go back in time with Bucky, Thor decided to become a comedian, the Guardians went back to space, Peter went back to high school, and nobody cares what Bruce did.

The gang says goodbye to the audience, telling them that this is the end of their story. The stage goes black, and then...

23. "Coming Soon on Disney +" by The Company

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Of course we need a post-credits scene! The lights come back up, with all the characters standing in a line onstage, smiling ominously. Each one starts talking about a new Marvel show or movie in rounds, overlapping each other and ending each time with "Coming soon on Disney+!" Waving goodbye and leaving the stage, they promise they'll never leave us alone.