15 Things I Hope The Government Finds When It Hacks Me

Here are some photos and other things I hope the government will get to enjoy now that the snooper's charter means it can hack my phone, computer, and browser history.

This week the Investigatory Powers Act 2016, also known as the "Snooper's Charter", became law, legalising mass surveillance of UK citizens by the state.

Scyther5 / Getty Images

The bill allows security services and the police to hack into people's phones and computers, and forces internet and phone companies to store everybody's browsing history for 12 months and give government agencies "unprecedented access" to that data.

With that in mind, I've had a look through my laptop, iPhone, and browsing history to find some lovely personal photos and data that are exactly the kind of thing I hope the government finds from their hacking.

Creativaimages / Getty Images

Welcome, security services!

1. This Snapchat I was proud of.

Hannah Jewell / BuzzFeed

Glad I screenshotted it so the government could see.

2. This sticky note on my laptop where I am saving a pun for a very specific news story that will never actually happen.

Hannah Jewell / BuzzFeed

It doesn't even make sense. But at least now SOMEBODY can enjoy it, even if they're in the basement of an undisclosed location somewhere.

3. This, which was on my phone for some reason.

uk.pinterest.com

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

4. My desktop background, which is a Joanne the Scammer quote that I made into an inspirational poster.

Hannah Jewell / BuzzFeed

I'm sure there are some Joanne fans deep in the nation's intelligence infrastructure (spies are well known to be messy bitches who live for drama.)

5. And also the background on my phone, a friendly mantis who holds up my notifications.

Hannah Jewell / BuzzFeed

He's a friendly little creature who could brighten the day of any spook.

6. These happy doggies I met at a wedding.

Hannah Jewell / BuzzFeed

7. My first ever meme, saved to my phone many years ago.

Hannah Jewell / BuzzFeed

It's not very high quality, but it's a joke about international law so I feel like the government would appreciate it.

8. This HORRIFYING faceswap with my uncle.

Hannah Jewell / BuzzFeed

9. These terrible ideas for BuzzFeed posts I had on the 9th of March 2015.

Hannah Jewell / BuzzFeed

Only one of these ever saw the light of day.

10. As for browser history, I hope they find all the websites I visit for shit Minions memes.

quotesnhumor.com / BuzzFeed

As they say, if you're not guilty you should have nothing to hide. I am an open book. We are all open books now.

11. This picture of a cat in a Christmas jumper, saved to my phone, that I did not take and have no memory of receiving in a message or saving off the internet.

Either Sam or the internet, probably

Maybe MI5 can help me solve this mystery.

12. This picture from when I sprained my ankle recently.

Hannah Jewell / BuzzFeed

I'm looking for sympathy wherever I can get it, including the government.

13. This picture my flatmate took of me celebrating the first eight litres collected by our new dehumidifier, the incredible Meaco DD8L, which we have nicknamed Lorelai.

BuzzFeed

I never shared it anywhere, because it is a photo of me being really excited about a dehumidifier. But in this new era of full state access to private data I may as well get it out there on my own terms.

14. This gif which is saved to my computer.

gifcrap.com

Because even government agents hacking a private citizen's computer deserve a laugh.

15. And finally, this horrifying gif of Jeremy Clarkson, also on my laptop.

Cyriak Harris

I hope you have enjoyed my personal information, Theresa May and/or the nation's police and/or spies.