The Only 44 Types Of Friend Who Have Ever Existed
All your friends are on this list.
1. The type of friend you text while peeing.
2. The type of friend you talk to on the phone with while peeing.
3. The type of friend you Snapchat while peeing.
4. The type of friend you pee in front of, 'cause you have something you need to tell them ASAP and why waste time?
5. The type of friend who does all of the above, but with pooping.
6. The type of friend whose parents you know so well that they are just as unreasonable and mean with you as they are with their own child.
7. The type of friend who laughs at the exact same things that you do, which is a relief, because the things you laugh at cannot be explained.
8. The type of friend who is incredibly good-looking but doesn't actually believe that they are, and you tell them all the time that they're incredibly good-looking, but they don't believe you because they assume you're just saying it to be a good friend, which is a shame, because they really are incredibly good-looking.
9. The type of best friend you have as a kid, who you grow apart from as you grow up, which is actually more painful than any breakup you've ever had.
10. The type of friend you make because you share a very specific, niche opinion, like that hang-gliding is stupid, and have somehow built an entire relationship around this one opinion.
11. The type of friend who's in your friendship group but who you've never actually spent time alone with, which you don't realise until suddenly you are alone together, and it's scary at first, but when you get on one-to-one friendship terms it's definitely a good thing (unless it isn't and it was just a group thing after all).
12. The type of friend who you can be your most awful self with, and who admits the most terrible things they've ever done to you, and together you have created a sort of safe space of being bad people, that nobody else can ever know about. This person may not even be your best or oldest friend. Just the one you can be your worst with, so they hold a very special place in your heart and are necessary to your psychological wellbeing.
13. The type of friend who is only for drinking and going out on the town with.
14. The type of friend who starts out as your teacher, or boss, or mentor, or Cool Older Person, and when some time passes and you start being Proper Mutual Friends with them, it's like, yeah I'm so mature now, fuck yeah.
15. The type of friend who you have cried so hard in front of that you got tears and snot on to an item of their clothing, but they were cool with it.
16. The type of friend who keeps the different people in their life separate from each other – like their family, their friends, and their relationship – and you wonder if it's 'cause they're embarrassed by the other people, or by you, or possibly just nervous about how it would go if you all got together.
17. The type of person who is single at the same time that you are single, who you have slightly regrettable adventures with. In later years, when you are in a relationship, you almost miss being single because of this friend and the hilarious things you did together while unattached.
18. The type of friend who gets into a relationship and disappears in a puff of smoke. Come back, friend! You still need me! What if it all goes wrong?
19. The type of friend you have had sex with at least once, and is definitely just your friend now, but who knows what your bits look like. Weird.
20. The type of friend whose clothes you envy, who you hope to grow close enough to someday to be able to casually borrow their clothes.
21. The type of friend who is so completely different to you in every possible way that it confuses other people how you can be friends. (Those other people just don't get it.)
22. The type of friend who let you cut their hair when you were 16, which you fucked up massively, but your friendship survived the haircut, and perhaps grew even stronger because of it.
23. The type of friend who is a perfect travel companion, mostly because you get hungry at the exact same times.
24. The type of friend who you love, but who is a terrible travel companion. You just don't want the same things out of an evening in Venice, and you never will, and that's OK.
25. The type of friend who you could live with in perfect harmony.
26. The type of friend who if you lived together, it would probably go terribly, and you would end up hating each other. But that's OK! Just don't live together.
27. The type of friend you make at work who you send Gchats to that would get you both fired if anybody ever saw them (which they probably will, so get your shit together, both of you).
28. The type of friend who lends you money, and who you would lend money to if they needed it. (NOTE: DON'T FUCK OVER THIS FRIEND, AND DON'T LET THEM FUCK YOU OVER.)
29. The type of friend whose partner you...kind of hate. Why don't they see what a perfect angel your friend is? Why doesn't your friend see that they deserve better? WHY? Someday, hopefully, you will steal this friend away in the middle of the night from their terrible partner.
30. The type of friend who is frequently an asshole, but you can tell them when they're being an asshole.
31. The type of friend you really, really didn't like when you first met them, but now you're pals, and when other people meet them you have to explain: "They take some getting used to but they're really great!"
32. The type of friend who is really popular and has a really cool vibe, and you're thrilled to hang out with them, but not necessarily 100% relaxed when you do.
33. The type of friend who you have no romantic history with whatsoever, but if they ever asked you to marry them, you'd say yes immediately, and just work out the details later.
34. The type of friend who is like your sibling, not just because you're close and have been friends for a long time, but because sometimes they're really fucking annoying, but it's not like you'd ever actually stop being friends with them, 'cause they're family, ugh.
35. The type of friend you've only been friends with for a little while, but everyone assumes you've been friends with them forever. Little do they know it's been less than a year, the fools.
36. The type of friend who is really ~political~ who you learn about ~political things~ from.
37. The type of friend who was there when something really shitty happened to you, so even if you may not be as close as you once were, they will always be special to you, because they know about that shitty thing.
38. The type of friend who you are related to, but you would still be friends with even if you weren't related.
39. The type of a friend who's a bit of a twat, but basically all right.
40. The type of friend you made on the internet and may not have actually met.
41. The type of friend who causes so much drama that you have to take a little break from them.
42. The type of friend you have absolutely zero drama with, ever, which is a big relief, but also you suspect that's because you don't actually know each other that well.
43. The type of friend who is a cat.
44. The type of friend who you meet up with for breakfast, and then end up hanging out with until lunch, and then walk around with doing nothing with until dinner, after which you sleep over at their house, and then wake up and do the same thing all over again, and at the end of it you're not sick of each other at all. This person is your best friend.