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If The Daily Mail Wrote About Men The Way They Write About Women

"Alex Salmond showed off his curves on his way to break hearts in the House of Commons."

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1. If The Daily Mail wrote about male politicians the way they wrote about female ones today, they would be quick to point out the manipulative intentions of what men wear on the job.

Clive Brunskill / Oli Scarff / Peter Macdiarmid / Getty Images / BuzzFeed / Via dailymail.co.uk

2. They would describe exactly how major politicians like George Osborne plan to get ahead: through showing a little skin.

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3. They wouldn't be afraid to say the unpopular: that men seek success in the curves of their bodies.

Press Association / BuzzFeed / Via dailymail.co.uk

4. They'd do the important investigative work of gathering evidence of men's sexual manipulation of the press and public.

Peter Macdiarmid / Getty Images / BuzzFeed / Via dailymail.co.uk

5. Because how else could men gain power and influence other than through their sexual wiles?

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6. It would be silly to assume that the political realm is free of the human urge to lust and be lusted after – especially when it comes to men.

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7. Yes, men are known to employ lewd tricks to seduce voters into electing them.

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8. Nobody would be safe from the Mail's rigorous journalism.

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9. And nobody would deny that raw sexuality has certainly helped the Leader of the Opposition out over the years.

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10. Not even the Prime Minister...

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11. ...Whose sensuous teasing has made him the most powerful man in Britain.

Oli Scarff / Getty Images / BuzzFeed / Via dailymail.co.uk