We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share wild screenshots from dating apps that they wanted analyzed. As you can imagine, their submissions ranged from hilarious, to disturbing, to downright confusing. Have a look for yourself:
1. This brutally honest bio:
My response: Bubbly WHAT??!??! I'm not sure those are supposed to be bubbly. Someone may need to consult a doctor. God, I have so many questions. This is a 34-year-old man, you guys. And, he says he's looking for a relationship. OK, fine, I'll admit it. This is actually one I found in the wild while swiping on Bumble. This profile truly stopped me in my tracks. Also, can we talk about the parenthetical at the bottom there?! Why is he bringing attention to the fact that he copied and pasted this monstrosity onto TWO dating profiles? One was MORE than enough, I assure you.
2. This sourpuss:
My response: Cackling at your response! The irony was lost on this guy. I'll never understand why strangers on a dating app will expect your undivided attention, especially RIGHT as the conversation starts. Do these people not have jobs? Hobbies? Friends? Responsibilities?
3. This vile bio that's not funny whatsoever:
My response: Dude, violence against women *isn't* funny. Good luck attracting women on a dating app when your intro is about physically hurting them. I wish you the worst!
4. This obnoxious overshare:
My response: This guy does know that there are ways to be "open, honest, and up front" that don't include discussing your anal sex preferences as your dating app bio, right?
5. This guy who couldn't resist mentioning his junk in his bio:
My response: This man is a father. He has a child. All the while, he's acting like a child on the internet. If you have the word "d*ck" in your dating app bio, maybe re-evaluate what brought you to the dating app in the first place and if that kind of bio is ever going to get you off of said app. I'm really feeling for the person who had a kid with this guy. He doesn't know how to use commas, and I guarantee he has a photo where he's holding a fish somewhere on this profile.
6. This believer in second chances:
My response: I understand he was disappointed that he didn't get a response after you moved your conversation off the dating app and he asked you to meet up, but I don't like his approach of leading with aggression and accusatory language. There are gentler, kinder ways to check back in and see if the other person has interest. People get busy. He's still a stranger at this point, so you don't owe him your undivided attention. Chances are, he's been ghosted/blown off before and feels jaded, and I get that. It's really frustrating to start making progress with someone on a dating app, only for them to disappear or bail right away. But, at the same time, you don't owe a stranger on a dating app anything!
Yes, chances are, you could have texted him back in the ~24-hour period. Even busy people check their phones. But, I don't fault you for not! I forget about messages/notifications all the time, especially when I'm busy! I'll respond in my head and think I actually sent a message. Or, I'll tell myself I'll respond later when I have more time to think. Sometimes it slips my mind!
All of that "rationalizing" aside, you were under no obligation to respond right away, and he didn't have to be so RUDE! I'm not sure if he thought he was going to guilt you into begging for a second chance, but clearly that didn't work. His response is deterring. Why would you want to meet him now? I had a man on Hinge once get SO sassy with me (and send multiple attacking messages) when I didn't answer him for about 12 hours (three messages into our entire conversation), and it happened to be the day my dog died. So, yeah, I wasn't on Hinge a lot. It's scary how fast men can switch up, but it's better you saw those true colors before meeting him.
Finally, NONE of this matters at all because he clearly doesn't stick to his own "principles" since he hit you up five weeks later to see if you'd want to grab drinks. You dodged a bullet.
7. This hearty pickup line:
My response: Thanks, I hate it! Why men think it's appropriate to sexually harass women just because they're on a dating app completely baffles me. Wish you could send this to his mother and show her the "man" she raised!
8. This enthusiastic planner:
My response: This made me laugh out loud because it reads like satire making fun of a bad dating profile. Please tell me it IS satire. Right? RIGHT???
9. This rude rater:
My response: Whether or not he understood the "I'm a 10, but..." joke format doesn't even matter to me. He opened with an INSULT. Why did he waste the like if he just wanted to be rude? Hinge likes aren't unlimiteds unless he's paying for some pro version, in which case he paid money to insult you and lose a potential match. This reads as textbook negging to me. He wanted to undermine and insult you in hopes of hurting your self-confidence and potentially getting you to lower your standards and consider someone like him. Negging is pathetic and weird. Pass!!
10. This towering, tall man:
My response: As if the first time he said he'd "tower over you" wasn't dramatic enough, he went and SAID IT AGAIN. He wanted to really drive home the point that he's over six feet. I know height can be a big deal on dating apps, but this is silly.
11. This dating disaster:
12. My response: Not sure I'd call this a "date." Totally fine if two people meet up for the first time only with the intent of having sex. Have that hookup! But using the "perfect first date" prompt here kind of made me cringe. Not sure if this profile said what they were looking for or provided more context, but they're not looking for dates. That's OK, but let's just make that abundantly clear.
13. This jaded dater:
My response: Mmm, call me "crazy," but calling women "crazy" in your dating profile isn't going to make women want to sleep with you. There's a lot of baggage with that word, and it's often pinned on women for having very human emotions. As you pointed out, he's nearing 40, doesn't know what he's looking for, and seems to be carrying his own baggage from something in the past that he's so NOT over, he feels the need to allude to it in his Bumble profile. Oof. Yeah, if I was dating a near-40-year-old man who refused to commit and couldn't figure out what he wanted, I'd probably also be a little "crazy."
14. This guy who is realllyyy looking for a snack:
My response: Seems to me like this guy can't take a hint/didn't pick up on the social cues, OR didn't really care that you stopped matching his energy/stopped responding because your second message pictured used a winky face, and that somehow gave him all the confirmation he was looking for! Give a dating app stranger an inch, and they'll take a mile! I hope this man steps away from his phone and gets himself an actual snack. He sounds hungry AND thirsty. 🙄
15. This guy who is DEFINITELY hiding something:
My response: Very ominous profile we've got here. He came to the US "for a reason." He'll tell you more when you match. He doesn't want to give too much away on the profile (which always feels like a trap to me. Like yeah, don't tell your whole life story right away, but don't be a mystery either). Also, newsflash: I'm guessing the only reason he wouldn't judge you for having to hide something is because HE has something, if not many things, to hide!
16. This pushy person:
My response: The heck you do! You kiss when your date also wants to kiss you. That's it. This is such a strange thing to definitively state on a dating profile. Like, you are making this completely general, man, let me remind you of a little thing we like to call consent. I really hope he receives enthusiastic consent from his dates and doesn't pressure anyone based on this arbitrary rule he's conjured up for himself.
I'm also just wondering if this means he kisses on every first date, regardless of chemistry. Not all first dates are a good fit. Does he try to instigate a kiss, even if the vibes are off? Is it, like, his "thing" to make sure he kisses every person he takes out? I'm just curious about how this works! But bleegghhh, I hate this as a dating profile prompt.
17. This profile that goes from 0 to 100:
My response: Man, what happened to "Bumble is a way of growing, communicating, and learning"? You abandoned that outlook in the amount of time it took you to scroll to your next prompt. Also, very Christian of you to post about pegging and making strangers' legs shake on a public profile. 🙏
18. This eager beaver:
My response: Don't you dare show up at my place of work. Better yet, don't even suggest it...especially if you're a stranger on an app. That is such weirdo behavior.
19. This gym rat:
My response: Don't like burpees? Not a huge fan of deadlifting? This guy has NO INTEREST in you. You have to like every single type of exercise and every form of working out if you want to stand a chance. Sorry to disappoint.
20. This picky picture analyzer who didn't take his own advice:
My response: This reminds me of the people who are super defensive in a relationship and always accuse their partner of cheating because they, themselves, are actually the ones cheating. He's upset by other people potentially altering their photos because HE alters HIS photos. 🤔
21. This boring, predictable profile:
My response: LOL. I can't tell you how often I see "good sex" on a man's dating profile as their answer to the prompt "The hallmark of a good relationship is..." Someone please tell these men that no one is looking for BAD sex. I think that's a given. Read between the lines!!! When I see this sort of response on a profile where the guy is framing himself as "looking for a relationship," I immediately know they mainly have sex on the brain. Guys who have been in/understand adult relationships know that "good sex" is pretty much implied. If a couple is having sex, neither of them is hoping it sucks. And, pointing out that you want "good sex" on your dating profile doesn't really make you look special. If anything, it makes you look bad at sex.
I don't think women swiping on dating apps are overcome with relief when they read that Brad from Hoboken thinks "good sex" is the hallmark of a good relationship. Like okay...what else ya got?