Ahhhh, dating. When it's fun, it's fun! But, when it's bad, it's an absolute freaking nightmare. We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us their first date dealbreakers that ensure they won't have a second date with someone. Here's what they shared:
1. "This man once insisted I meet him at his place so he could cook me a meal there. It reeked and was the dirtiest place I've ever been to. I couldn't even use the bathroom. I wanted to turn around and walk out the second I arrived. He lived in the basement. Also, he had a roommate cook us steaks. Come to find out he hadn't worked all week. Why couldn't he clean up his living quarters and get dressed? Gross."
2. "If they apologize for the lack of conversation instead of just making conversation. If you can't talk to me, how will you get to know me?"
3. "Being rude or impolite to the waitstaff at a restaurant. We've all had bad experiences at restaurants, but the way someone treats others, especially strangers, tells you a lot about that person. I've seen people who get belligerent with waitstaff over the smallest things. What do you think that indicates about how they would deal with stressful situations with you? Not being kind or polite with strangers shows someone's character. Being rude is a quick red flag!"
4. "Constantly being on your phone the whole time. If you can't be present for a few hours on a first date, then your entire relationship will be with someone who can't put the phone down."
5. "Non-stop monologuing about absolutely nothing and not asking me questions about myself. I'm nervous too, but I still do my part to engage and learn about you."
6. "Making negative comments about what I order. 'Ew, you like THAT?' 'That doesn't look good. You should've let me order for you.' You don't know what I like!!!"
7. "My father died two years ago, and it inevitably comes up on dates when guys ask me about my family. I decided a long time ago that how they respond to that can be a dealbreaker. I understand it’s not the most comfortable thing to talk about, but you'd expect your date to say something like, 'Wow, I’m sorry. That must be difficult. You must’ve been close,' etc. You would not believe how many men just gloss over it and don’t say anything, or say something stupid like, 'I know how you feel. When I was a kid, my hamster died,' as if that’s the same thing. I’ve decided that not showing empathy is a dealbreaker for me. If they can’t do that now, how would they respond if we were in a real relationship and something difficult happened?"
8. "Crossing physical boundaries without consent, especially when my body language also clearly indicates I don't want to be touched. I've known you for five minutes. Why do you insist on cuddling me in this very public restaurant booth?"
9. "There are so many, but one thing that somehow comes up pretty often, is 'hate talk'. 'I hate people who are X.' 'Oh, he's from Y? I hate that.' 'All Z are horrible.' It's not like I don't hate things, but chill! It's our first time meeting each other. You can relax and not be hateful."
10. "Open-mouth chewing. Misophonia is real and smacking is disgusting."
11. "I’m a doctor. If men talk about being anti-vax, COVID being a hoax, or how they don’t believe in women’s reproductive rights, then BYE. My profession is on my dating app profile, so I don’t see why someone would knowingly swipe right on me if they believe those things. I had a man (unsolicited) bring up on the FIRST date that he didn’t believe in abortion in any case. Like, why would you say this to someone you know is a doctor? How did you think I’d respond to that?"
12. "They ask about or hint at how much you make."
13. "Arriving late/being a no-show without a very good reason. Talking too much or not letting me get a word in edgewise. Racist/sexist remarks. Rude to the waitstaff and servers. Making fun of my stuttering."
14. "Bad hygiene. You don't have to be dressed to the nines if we're grabbing a bite or a drink, but try to look like you showered recently, have done laundry, and have decent grooming habits."
16. "Smoking. For me, there's a visceral revulsion when I see someone smoking. And smoker's breath makes me gag every time (which puts a damper on kissing)."
17. "Might seem obvious, but anything preachy or condescending. I don't want you to lecture me on why I should delete my Instagram, or how it makes me shallow to use social media at all. I'm not glued to my phone, and I like keeping in touch with people. It's not really your place to pass judgment or try to make me feel bad. Plus, I sort of see it as a red flag if you're NOT traceable online at all. What are you hiding?"
18. "Talking about an ex, especially at length. If you tell me a story and your ex happened to be there, that's fine. But, if you specifically direct conversation to talk about an ex, whether super positively or super negatively, I'm mentally checking out. I don't want to hear about how your ex is the best person in the whole world or the worst person in the whole world."
19. "I'm in my 30s and am childfree. I think it's important to know right away if the person I'm dating is also childfree so we're not wasting each other's time. I tend to ask on the first date. If they want children, I'm out. I also would not date anyone religious, anyone conservative, or anyone anti-choice. If the person I'm dating has a penis, they had better wear a condom, or I show them the door (although, at this point in my life, I'm not into sex on the first date, so I guess that wouldn't come up. Power to you if that's your thing though)."
20. "If they talk over you consistently throughout the date or you are consciously aware you're the only one asking questions. It's one thing to be excited or nervous and speak over someone on a first date from time to time, but if they don't give you the space to speak or tell your own stories without interjecting, they won't care about you or what you have to say in the future."
21. "I was once on a date with a guy I met through mutual friends. When discussing what we did for work and our living situation, he noted that he was living in his mother’s basement with no intention of moving out anytime soon because it was convenient. He was 30 years old and could absolutely afford to move out, he just chose not to. Suffice to say, we did not have a second date."
22. "Getting too sexual too quickly. It's one thing to show interest in me or make an edgy joke, but I don't like for first-date talk to devolve into sexual questions and queries. If you're not even willing to spend an hour or two talking to me so we can get to know each other, we probably have very different expectations surrounding the date. If you really just want sex, I'd rather a guy be honest before taking me on a date and pretending like he wants to learn more about me."
23. Finally: "There are many, of course, but here are a few sort of silly ones. A guy once showed up hungover and clearly still in last night's clothes (he was also late). I had another guy basically spend the whole time quizzing me, except it felt like I was getting the answers wrong (about my own life). And, there was the guy who showed up in basketball shorts whose photos must have been at least a few years out of date."
What's your biggest first date dealbreaker? Tell us in the comments!!
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.