1.
No one: People living in the UK: 🌳 | | | 🚍 | 🌳 | 🚘 | | | 🌳 | | | | 🌳 | | | 🚶🏻♂️ | 🌳 | | | | 🌳 “hit me if you’re bad”
2.
forgot to turn my running app off before going on holiday
3.
Don’t confirm your love for your babes until you see her eating popcorn. That’s when you know whether she’s a lady or a vagabond
4.
Interviewer: Can you explain the gap in your CV? Me: I spent 6 hours formatting it in Google Docs and you've opened it in Word.
5.
How can I drop my daughter to school & there's another dad here mad confused 🤣🤣 the receptionist asked what year his son is in he doesn't know. She then asked his age he said 4 or 5 LOOOOOOOOL.
6.
I don't understand how my mum sees me working from home and somehow interprets it as me not working? just got told to go and clean instead of staring at the computer. cheers mum 👍
7.
Wizkid better keep adding dates until it’s just me and him at the O2
8.
Not even exaggerating but there hasn’t been a worse summer than this year since summer 1945 when the war ended.
9.
Facebook is a minefield of mums saying “Can’t believe this handsome boy is starting year 1!” with pictures like this
10.
not the sun clocking in for it’s shift 30 days late
11.
Red flag 🚩
12.
Girls don’t like boys girls like those bowls that aren’t quite bowls but aren’t quite plates that are really good for pasta
13.
never skip leg day
14.
What I see VS What I imagine
15.
i was in aldi earlier & a girl in the middle aisle picked one of these up & was telling her friend that her housemate used one to put tan on??? sorry what?
16.
leaving the british library for lunch after downloading one pdf and changing the font on an essay
17.
HAHA
18.
if you have breasts they tell you a lot of shit abt checking for lumps. they do not tell you that a boob is made of lumps. here i am looking for lumps in the lump factory
19.
hey it's me, a landlord with a twitter account. thanks for the 60% of your wages every month but could you also like me as well please? for some reason it's very important that you like me
20.
Nobody tell Kinga https://t.co/KLZsvLw3Ph
21.
Everything I’ve seen regarding this film has been against my will https://t.co/jGaZaPh0gD
22.
They’ve started rehearsing for that new ABBA concert. It was incredibly loud. You could hear the drums from Nando’s
23.
housing might be extortionate, but at least this website is free
24.
Remember to leave a saucer of Monster out tonight for Goths who had just woken up from Summer hibernation.
25.
My dad had his van stole from outside our house about 5 years ago and the police done fuck all so still to this day everytime they post on Facebook he comments asking if they’ve found his van yet hahah
26.
Every member of the Young Conservatives looks like this