1.
god remember when we used to buy ringtones. full on tv adverts for text sounds. now if my phone ever made a sound in front of someone else I would simply die from shame.
2.
“omg i’m so sorry i’m just now seeing this” - me lying
3.
Scotland getting to the euros is like me making it past 12 on a night out, no one knows how I’ve made it here, everyone wants me to do well, but it is guaranteed that I’m going to absolutely fuck it
4.
all the baddies after a fight with spiderman
5.
Can’t beat a game of table football.
7.
would be a huge power move for kanye to wheel out the robert kardashian hologram as his divorce lawyer
8.
took the dog to the vets to find out if she’s going deaf and the vet said no she can hear perfectly she’s just choosing to ignore you
9.
Notifications are blowing up. *checks news* Ah. There's an eclipse
10.
Man said cinema in Cardiff is £2.90 what do they watch it on? 32 inch tv????
11.
Me after doing anything in London.
12.
the new hay fever variant is deadly
13.
Hope this queen who made boys on Bumble send her Marge Simpson impressions is having a gorgeous day
14.
Southgate when Grealish starts warming up
15.
Celebrities doing their jobs exactly exactly this is what their purpose is https://t.co/YQSjARI4H6
16.
Removing a mask with AirPods and hoops is a skill we as a society do not recognise enough.
17.
History doesn’t mention this but there was another Stanford Prison Experiment, and it was ANTM.
18.
Boris Johnson in his leaked Pandemic Whatsapps