Should I Still Be Friends With Someone If I Like Them, But They Don't Return My Feelings?

"Is there any way that he'll develop feelings for me naturally and we could become something?"

Welcome to the new year, cyber dwellers — and to a brand new Help Me Hameda. The fortnightly column that features advice and guidance from your favourite internet bestie, me.

Hameda Nafiz / BuzzFeed

Why hello, I've missed you all so very much. You can submit your own problems, queries or questions for the Help Me Hameda column through my DMs on Instagram (@itshameda) or Twitter (@hamedanafiz). 

Today we're discussing love — or more specifically, unrequited love. It's a hot topic that pretty much everyone goes through. I mean there's a reason there are so many songs about it.

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Cut to me staring out a car window, listening to Taylor Swift and acting like I'm in a music video that stars my oblivious crush. 

Now, this may surprise some people, but I am actually a huge fan of ~love~ and consider myself a romantic. It's just the confines that 'love' seems to have been locked into that I disagree with. Crushes? Puppy love? That's my favourite kind. It can be so exciting to meet someone you vibe with in a way that causes a tickle in your stomach.

The thrill you get from seeing the name of your crush appear on your screen in notification form is unlike anything else that can be experienced on this planet.

But I guess part of the excitement when you have a crush is the mystery, and sometimes the mystery can give way to some devastating news — like the possibility that your feelings aren't returned. This brings us to our DM.

@itshameda / Via Instagram: @itshameda

Some would say that the most daunting thing about liking someone and not knowing how they feel about you, is asking them. Seeking out that clarity for yourself, so that you understand what it is that you need to do to move forward. You've already done this, and even though the outcome wasn't what you wanted, I need to you really commend yourself for that.

It's not an easy thing, having to be so vulnerable with someone who has the power to actually hurt your feelings. It's brave and I'm proud of you. 

But what's sometimes even more difficult to do is to decide what your next move is. Especially when you're dealing with someone you actually care about — a friend. Is it really worth it to put yourself through a second cycle of mourning? Now with a friendship? Well, if you ask me, it depends, person to person.

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If you're spending every day within this friendship hoping and wishing that one day he'll change his mind — the relationship is hurting you more than helping you and it may be time to take a step back and heal. When your wounds have scarred and cleared, you can revisit the connection in a platonic way — but if you're still battling your feelings, then you're not getting as much out of the friendship as you think you are. And yeah, it'll hurt to lose them entirely, even if it's for a short period of time, but you need to put yourself first — because newsflash — they're probably putting themselves first too. 

If you're ready to accept that you won't be anything more than friends right away — well this is unlikely, but look at you and your healthy coping mechanisms!

And yes, there's a chance that one day he'll realise that he actually does have feelings for you — but you've done your part now. He knows how you feel, or may have felt and he can come to you to discuss that if and when it happens.

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But sticking around and waving the idea of what could be in his face probably isn't going to do you any favours. Try putting yourself in his shoes for a moment. If a good friend of yours confessed their feelings to you and you didn't feel the same way, how would you feel about it? Weird, right? Especially if you're reminded of their feelings every time you see them. If you want your friendship to be salvageable it might be worth it to take a little break — for both your sakes. 

My final word? Yes, he might change his mind and you could be something — but we exist in a world where literally anything could happen, so that's not quite the exciting assessment you think it is. Sometimes what we think we need and want aren't what they seem. Sometimes people are supposed to be in your life to teach you a lesson and provide you with nuggets of experience that can be forged into wisdom — but that all depends on how you handle them.

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I have absolute faith that you'll navigate the situation in a way that puts you, your wellbeing and quality of life at the centre of your world. But if you don't and things go awry, remember the value of the knowledge you gain. Also keep in mind that every ending paves the way for a new beginning, a reset and a refresh. And that? That shit's invaluable. 

That's all my advice today — feel free to offer your own in the comments below and help your fellow internet bestie out.

Just remember to be kind and considerate when you do. 

If you've got a question about a problem, have a thought you can't seem to resolve, or want another opinion on a scenario in your life, you can DM me about it on Instagram (@itshameda) or Twitter (@hamedanafiz) to be featured in the column.

P.S I do not give one-on-one advice on my socials. All submissions are for publication on BuzzFeed only. 

Don't miss Sam Claflin in the new rom-com Book of Love from BuzzFeed Studios, in cinemas now.

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