17 Things You'll Get Only If Your Back Always Hurts

Sure, YOU are young, but your back is 93 years old.

1. Let's start by stating the obvious: Back pain is just an unfortunate part of who you are now.

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It's a part of your identity. It sort of defines who you are. It's bad, but you've learned to accept it and deal with it.

2. In fact, you wake up with back pain more often than not.

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I wonder what it's like to wake up happy? I can hardly remember.

3. And it's an even less frequent occasion to go to bed without being in pain.

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There's just no getting away from it.

4. Once you've gotten close enough with someone, you spend all day asking them for a "quick massage."

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"Just for a second. No, a bit higher. Yeah, right there. Really dig your thumbs in."

5. Although what you really want is for them to jump up on your back and walk around a little.

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Listen, I'm just looking for someone is willing and able to tear me into pieces. Is that too much to ask?

6. You've mastered the art of self-massage.

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Which mostly just consists of pressing really, really hard where it hurts. You don't know if it's good or bad for you, but it works, so who cares?

7. You've dedicated so much of your life to doing stretching exercises to try to alleviate some of the pain.

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Every chance you get, you stretch a little bit. You roll your shoulders, you put your hands up in the air, and you twist your neck around like Linda Blair.

8. You envy people who can slouch in their chairs all day without feeling any pain.

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Are you an alien?! I'm already physically exhausted, I don't need you making me feel emotionally exhausted as well.

9. Although–in theory–you're a relatively young person, the pain makes you totter around like a grandparent.

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Judging by your back pain, you're 93 years old and counting.

10. You've thrown away tons of money on massages just for a few brief hours of relief from the pain.

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In fact, you've thought about what you'd need to do to meet and marry a massage therapist so you could have all the sweet rub-downs you'd ever need.

11. You suspect that your mattress is to blame for your pain... and your pillow... and your office chair... and the sofa... and your shoes... and your posture... and... and... and...

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Don't worry, it's probably all of them!

12. Sometimes you need to bring out the big guns: creams, patches, packs, and medications.

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Menthol has become your Chanel N°5.

13. And it's not only your back, it's also your neck, and waist, and everything connected to it.

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Every day a new part of your body joins the pain party. Fun!

14. You've started to consider the idea that maybe someone out there has a voodoo doll of you and they just keep jabbing it in the back with needles.

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Or they just forgot it under a stack of books. That would make sense too.

15. You've searched everywhere for the secrets to ridding yourself of back pain, but nobody has the answers.

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(Actually, I'm open to getting rid of all those things.)

16. And even though reading this post only reminds you of your pain, making it worse...

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(Sorry...)

17. ...there's something nice about knowing you're not going through it alone. You're a part of a community*.

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*A pitiful community. But a community.

This post was translated from Spanish.