1. You get such a thrill from correcting other people's grammar.
2. 80% of your sentences begin with "Actually,".
3. If you get the sense that someone doesn't understand your joke, you're more than happy to explain it to them.
4. You just wish people would stop complaining about oppression.
5. Before you turn the page of a book, you lick your finger.
6. Because you're a terrible listener, you love to interrupt people during conversations.
7. You've never once used your turn signal.
8. You love to comment on articles online.
9. You hate washing your hands after pooping.
10. For some strange reason you think people care about your opinions on Pumpkin Spice Lattes and selfies.
11. When you're at the movies, you make loud and unfunny comments after each trailer. Because for some strange reason you think people care about your opinions.
12. Your favorite pickup line involves quotes from both Anchorman and Borat.
13.Your offensive opinions are just a "parody."
14. At least 3 people have listed you in their contacts as "Don't Answer."
15. You know that when people call you "The Funny One" they usually just mean "Asshole."
16. Your catchphrase is "Why is this news?"
17. Taking up space on the subway is your favorite hobby.
18. Your other favorite hobby is making negative comments about other people's appearance.
19. You deliver your opinion in the form of a fact.
20. Nobody passed the Ice Bucket Challenge on to you, but you did it anyway.
21. You wipe back to front.
22. You say say "'Murica"/"'Merica."
23. You still think it's funny to complain about Nickelback and Dane Cook.
24. You think the "friend zone" is a real thing that exists.
25. You think hurt feelings are the same thing as oppression.
26. When it comes to issues related to toxic masculinity, violence against disabled men, men of color, LGBTQ men, and trans men you've stayed awfully quiet.
27. You're genuinely unpleasant to be around.