1.
can't tell if I'm flirting or screaming
2.
DATE: do u really need that ME: [struggling to force legs in high chair] oh right like im just gonna sit where I could fall over any minute
3.
*logs into dating site* Hope i meet a nice murderer
4.
I like my men like I like my coffee: with free wifi
5.
*Purposely double-taps your 25-week-old Instagram so u know I'm tryna hit*
6.
A visual representation of what it's like to jump into a new relationship too soon
7.
its stupid when girls say they cant find a guy, yet they ignore me. its like saying youre hungry when theres a hot dog on the ground outside
8.
DATE: um, hi nice to meet y- ME: *muffled by my jousting helmet* you are a small and weak man
9.
✌️
10.
me: I fucking miss you so much him: what? me: North posted this on IG while playing games on my phone.Not sure why or how she chose it but I
11.
[leaning out car window] hey dude just wanted to tell you i'm proud of you for being handsome, and i really appreciate you doing that for me
12.
high school boys need to chill with weird expectations for girls like what are you bringing to the table oh right a bucket hat
13.
Guys on tinder: I hate messaging back & forth lets just meet up! Girls: Well. We are trying to feel out if you'll murder us. So.
14.
[In bed after sex] *bats eyelashes* Tell me what you're thinking. Miniature rhinos. RHINOS, but miniature. Could call 'em rhinis.
15.
First date tips: 1) be confident 2) be yourself 3) pick one of the above
16.
if we're texting u don't have 2 tell me when ur going 2 sleep. it's just 1 long conversation. we say hi @ the start & bye when 1 of us dies
17.
me on a first date
18.
Just watched a girl swipe left 22 times in a row and I was like good for you
19.
teach a man to fish and he'll leave bc he doesnt need you anymore. he'll teach a new girl to fish & you'll see them at the lake all the time
20.
me: Come over bae: I'm busy me: my parents aren't home bae: you're 24 and should not live w your parents me: that hurt my feelings bae: sor
21.
uh oh i'm low on mouthwash! [falsetto] "it's almost like you been kissin a lot huh" who said that?? haha. but yes. that's what it would seem