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19 Tweets About Death That Are Way Too Funny Not To Laugh At

"If you ever see me on my death bed, please take me off my death bed & move me to my alive bed thx."

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1.

[on deathbed] "Tell my Wif... *cough*" Yes? Tell her what? "Tell my Wifi provider their broadband speeds were moderate at best" [dies]

2.

Teen girl in mirror "I look like death!" [Meanwhile in Hell] Death scoffs & flips his hair "Yeah, as if"

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4.

*deathbed* All that time wasted. When I could have been *looks at family* getting down to this... sick... beat *dies* *widow rolls eyes*

5.

[Me being beaten to death w/ can of frozen veggies] "Oh peas no!" [WHAP] "Why u bean like this?" [SMACK] "Don't u carrot all?" [CRACK]

6.

If you ever see me on my death bed, please take me off my death bed & move me to my alive bed thx

8.

"Yeah can I have a triple bacon cheeseburger..." *sees Grim Reaper in passenger seat* *sigh* "and can you put lettuce and tomato on that?"

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9.

*gets to hell* [In earshot of Satan] I HATE ICE CREAM AND WATCHING TV, DAMN THAT WOULD BE REAL TORTURE FOR ME. OH AND BEER, I ALSO HATE BEER

10.

[Bruce Willis on his deathbed] Bruce: Viagra! Dr: Bruce this isn't the time- Bruce: Give me...a Viagra! Dr: Ok *Bruce Dies...Hard*

12.

Whoa I'm floating! Am I...dead? "No it's a dream" What a relief! Wait. Who said that? Grim Reaper: (mutters) shit Uh nobody go back to sleep

13.

Judge: You're sentenced to death. You'll be hung. Wife from the back: HE'S ALREADY HUNG. Me: Your Honor uncuff me so I can high five my wife

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14.

At my funeral I want a magician to saw my coffin in half or I'm not going.

16.

[at funeral] My brother was so realistic and sensible. I guess you could say- *casket is lowered into the ground* -he was down to earth.

17.

*pops out of casket at funeral* ok but when I actually die you guys better have nicer things to say

18.

I would rather lie there and accept death than try to get out of a hammock while anyone is watching me.

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