1.
"Put cheese on it." "It's not-" "Put cheese on it." "Really now, you-" "Everything gets better with cheese on it." "Sir, it's a BROKEN LEG."
2.
Jesus: *turns water into wine* Me: nice Me: *turns a steak into a cheesesteak* Jesus: *whispering under his breath* holy shit
3.
[Dr.] "Your blood is 40% cheese, if you eat ANY more you'll die" *slowly raises piece of cheese to mouth* "Don't do it" *eats cheese* *dies*
4.
[clenching fists] "I'll fight someone" Waiter: For the last time sir, 'cheese plate' describes the items on the plate not the plate itself
5.
6.
Kraft recalled 96,000 pounds of cheese-filled hot dogs. I recall 96,000 pounds of cheese-filled hot dogs too. That was one wild summer.
7.
Eating a block of cheese is probably the most delicious way to figure out it's time to get some groceries.
8.
If a recipe does not call for cheese, I'm gonna assume they forgot it and add an entire large bag. Well 3/4 of bag cause I ate some of it.
9.
10.
"I am not a human garbage disposal" *eats leftover mac n cheese anyway* *makes terrible grinding noise after accidentally swallowing fork*
11.
My heart says cheese dip but my jeans say for the love of god woman eat some celery.
12.
*man invents wheel* "How can we possibly improve this?" *Man invents wheel of cheese* "Nailed it!"
13.
Confession: I have dipped cheese into softer cheese.
14.
15.
Me: I think this diet is gonna work. Cheese: No.
16.
*slides a cheese slice with my number written on it in your pocket*
17.
[meeting her parents] GF (whispering): Please don't make a scene ME (angry-whispering): You told me there'd be cheese
18.
When I take pictures of cheese I yell "SAY HUMANS!" and me and the cheese laugh and laugh and then I binge eat and cry.
19.
20.
Date: what kind of work do you do? Me: I dabble in real estate [Dad yells down the stairs] She visits open houses and eats the free cheese
21.
a girl took a grilled cheese out of her purse and threw it across the street like a frisbee to me i never thought i'd be able to love again
22.
If you don't know me, don't judge me. Unless you're making me a pizza and you say "This woman looks like she wants extra cheese.” That's ok
23.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how's your day going?
24.
25.
I live by 2 simple rules: 1. Don't treat people like shit. 2. If any melted cheese gets on your paper plate, you must also eat the plate.
26.
HR: Me: HR: Me: HR:..87. Karen has lost 87 PERCENT VISION.. Me: HR: Me:..she looked at my cheese stick.. HR: Me: HR: Me: *eats cheese stick*
27.
God I hate kids. And people. And animals. And sardines. And stuff that's alive. And stuff that's dead. I hate stuff. I like cheese.
28.
