49 Inexplicable Things Everyone Does But Doesn't Really Know Why
Licking your lips when someone starts talking about dry lips.
1. Pretended to hear what someone’s said after making them repeat it three times because you can’t bear to make them say it again.
2. Imagined your own leaving party while attending someone else’s leaving party.
3. Or wedding.
4. Or (slightly more bleakly) funeral.
5. Unintentionally taken on someone else’s accent during conversation.
6. Felt an inexplicable panic while packing your groceries that you’re moving too slow and are the Worst Grocery Packer Ever™.
7. Pictured yourself onstage performing the song you’re listening to.
8. Watched something lighthearted after a scary film to stop yourself from getting nightmares.
9. Said, “No, thank you” to the offer of a drink, and then realised you were damn near dying of thirst.
10. Lied about liking your hair at the salon even though it was cut three inches shorter than you wanted and bright blue.
11. Replayed the same embarrassing moment over and over even though it was seven years ago.
12. Looked at the tissue after blowing your nose.
13. Or looked at your poo after using the toilet, just to check everything’s looking OK.
14. Pretended you’re in a movie while walking down the street listening to music.
15. Panicked about taking too long to put your change back in your purse or wallet after being served at the counter.
16. Used your foot to pick something up off the floor that you were too lazy to bend down for.
17. Stared at the phone while it rang, and then replied, “Sorry I missed your call, I was busy!”
18. Ignored a text message for days and then replied, “OMG, only just seen this!”
19. Fleetingly thought about the fact your parents had to have sex to produce you, and then shaken the thought away just as fast.
20. Whacked the remote, rubbed the batteries, or blown inside it to somehow make it work better.
21. Or pointed the remote at a random angle above your head to improve the connection.
22. Awkwardly tried to walk past someone and then had to keep up an uncomfortably fast pace just so you wouldn’t cross paths again.
23. Sat on the bed naked after getting out of the shower and just stared into space.
24. Rehearsed a conversation in your head that you’ll probably never have.
25. Or imagined what you would’ve said in a previous conversation.
26. Stretched as much as humanly possibly to get something so you wouldn’t have to move from the sofa or the bed.
27. Pretended to be looking at something really important on your phone because you’re by yourself in a public place and feel super awkward.
28. Opened the fridge after checking it two minutes earlier, yet still being surprised that there’s nothing to eat.
29. Re-read a message from someone you really fancy just to get that tingly feeling again.
30. Licked your lips when someone started talking about dry lips.
31. Got unjustly annoyed after hearing someone get in the shower because you’d just been thinking about getting in the shower for the last two hours.
32. Pretended to be an expert in guitar or drum playing whenever you heard either solo in a song.
33. Had a blocked nose and kicked yourself for not appreciating all the time you’d spent with an unblocked nose.
34. Had a fake argument with yourself and won.
35. Turned down your music so you could see better.
36. Or taken off your glasses to hear better.
37. Naturally laughed because you had no idea what the person just said.
38. Refused to eat your food until you found a show to watch while eating.
39. Found out the age of someone successful and calculated how many years you have to be equally as successful.
40. Pretended to look at a random item because someone was looking at the thing you actually want to look at.
41. Suddenly become the tightest person in the world as soon as you see the words “cost of shipping”.
42. Said yes to a plan you definitely knew you weren’t gonna attend in the first place.
43. Sped up the stairs after turning the lights off because you were scared you’d get murdered.
44. Or turned on all the lights plus the TV while home alone because you were scared you'd get murdered.
45. Set several alarms five minutes apart to give yourself more than one chance to wake up in the morning.
46. Eaten the tissue paper off a sweet you couldn’t unwrap properly.
47. Started singing with your headphones in, and then taken out your headphones to check whether you sound as good as you think you do.
48. Did a lap around your house while talking on the phone.
49. Gone through an Instagram rabbit hole and ended up on a pic from 2013 belonging to your mate’s friend’s grandma’s cousin.