1.
Beyond excited to announce that I'm giving up! I'm so grateful for this opportunity and can't wait to see where this decision takes me
2.
im VERY laid back. i only care about 2 things: every person on earth & their opinion of me the crushing psychological weight of being alive
3.
Having a crush on someone is so exciting. You know you'll end up ruining things like you always do, but how? The possibilities are endless.
4.
when you get interrupted while telling your grandkids a story about 2016
5.
now i can smell my dad leaving every day
6.
me deleting my sad tweets
7.
8.
We should've died in 2012 when we had the chance
9.
When you're failing 7 out of 5 classes and you're trying to act like everything's fine
10.
When you know this unusually warm weather in October is due to global warming and climate change but you still kind… https://t.co/Bl8vYDRhBX
11.
MUGGER: GIVE ME YOUR PURSE OR I'LL SHOOT YOU ME: *realize I won't have to pay student loans back if I'm dead* MUGGER: ??? ME: I'm thinking.
12.
Anne Hathaway holding a knife and laughing is my 2016 mood.
13.
Me: Excuse me sir, what's your Wi-Fi password? Him: *[Leans in] *[Whispers angrily] THIS IS A FUNERAL Me: *[Types in] THIS IS A FUNERAL
14.
My parrot died today. Its last words were, "Fuck, I think my parrot is about to die."
15.
16.
THIS MF EAT SOMEBODY EVERYBODY GONNA BE "IM SHOCKED!! HE WAS SO QUIET REALLY NICE & KEPT TO HIMSELF, HONOR STUDENT"
17.
Me: have a nice day sir *guy leaves store, gets hit by car crossing street* *i run out, kneel beside him* what did I just fucken tell you
18.
Mental what a couple a fairy lights can do, ye could put them on a deed body n id be like omg that's fucking lovely get that on ma Instagram
19.
Autocorrect saved my job again
20.
When your pharmacist actually wants you to die.
21.
Everyone: 2016 could not possibly get worse Me: *dies in a car crash while my Uber driver is literally DJing*
22.
friend: how are things? me: things are good! narrator: things were not good