9 Ways To Get The Perfect Bum

    With no exercise at all!

    by
    Gena-mour Barrett
    by Gena-mour Barrett

    BuzzFeed Staff

    ,
    Becky Barnicoat
    by Becky Barnicoat

    BuzzFeed Contributor

    1. Eat 12 peaches a day.

    Becky Barnicoat / BuzzFeed

    It's no secret that you are what you eat, so commit to getting your five a day AND your dream booty cheeks by eating one peach an hour.

    2. Wear several pairs of underpants at the same time.

    Becky Barnicoat / BuzzFeed

    You may not be able to fit in your trousers BUT people will think it's because you've succeeded in growing the perfect derrière overnight, not because you're, like, wearing a nappy or anything.

    3. Recite the lyrics to the song “Bootylicious” every night before you go to sleep.

    Becky Barnicoat / BuzzFeed

    This prayer to the booty gods will speak your dream bum into existence. Even you won't be ready for your jelly. Plus 10 points if you dream about butts too.

    4. Try to sit down as little as possible.

    Becky Barnicoat / BuzzFeed

    If you suffer from Acute Pancake Butt Syndrome, the last thing you want to do is sit down and make your ass even flatter. Instead, stick to standing and think big butt thoughts.

    5. Get a friend named Becky, and ask her (and one other friend) to marvel at your butt.

    Becky Barnicoat / BuzzFeed

    Your friends are your greatest asset in your quest for the best bum, so draw attention to your buttcheeks by having your mates audibly praise it in the middle of the street. Even if you don't have the perfect bum yet, it will sound like you do.

    6. Rub coffee beans on your tush to awaken your butt muscles.

    Becky Barnicoat / BuzzFeed

    If you feel like your ass isn't as perky as it should be, it probably just needs waking up. Remember: Your bum needs that caffeine just as much as you do!

    7. Massage your cheeks with a special “butt rub” bought from a slightly shady part of the internet.

    Becky Barnicoat / BuzzFeed

    Rumoured to be used by the most bootylicious of celebrities, "butt rub" stimulates growth and contains many magical ingredients for posterior preservation, like cayenne pepper, avocado, and the sweat of a gym instructor.

    8. Periodically beat your bum like a gong to remind it of its job and purpose.

    Becky Barnicoat / BuzzFeed

    One tap on each cheek is enough to prevent your butt from slacking off.

    9. Wear a butt harness to keep your bum up and at ‘em for the duration of the day.

    Becky Barnicoat / BuzzFeed

    Like a waist trainer, this can be worn under your clothing for peak perk. Make sure to stand with your butt slightly pushed out in every picture to keep up the booty aesthetic!