11 Types Of Student Everyone Meets At University

"Would you like a toastie? How about a chat about Jesus?"

1.

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They'll have Buddhist prayer flags up in their room, even though you swear the place they told you they actually "did" was South America. They're a whole year older than most people and it makes them soooooo much more mature. This isn't scary for them – they fell off the back of some guy's motorbike in Kuala Lumpur and have the scars to prove it, so they can totally handle meeting a load of 18-year-olds from Surrey.

2.

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They miss their boo so, so much. Their room is adorned with photos of the life they left behind. They spend all their free time on the Megabus visiting their one true love until halfway through first term, when they accidentally snog their fit flatmate and it all falls apart. Never mind.

3.

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At first you think they're just REALLY friendly, but then you're stumbling home from a night out and you see them in the distance. Still smiling, surrounded by other smiley people, offering you toasties and hot chocolates, for free! The dream! All you have to do is listen to them talk about Jesus for 20 minutes, and it's totally worth it.

4.

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Within five minutes of meeting The Competitive Nerd they will ask you about your A-level results, and if you got the same as they did they'll even press you for your precise percentages. Watch out! This is a warning of what's to come. Avoid this person during essay season, unless you want an hour-by-hour update of how many references their dissertation has.

5.

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This person already had their group of friends sorted before you arrived at uni. They've been bonding with fellow hockey players for two weeks during pre-season. They usually get up in the middle of the night, and will use up all your milk for their protein shakes and porridge. They hardly ever go out, but when they do they go HARD. Also usually really fit.

6.

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Everyone The Posh One has ever met has also been posh. They'll ask you what school you went to and then be mildly confused when they haven't heard of it. The Posh Ones will all gravitate towards each other, and will dominate the uni ski trip. The plus side is they won't notice if you nick a bit of their Lurpak.

7.

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Usually from the countryside, The Vodka Virgin has never had a Jägerbomb before. The only other time they've got drunk was on their auntie's hen night last year. They'll puke in your shower in freshers' week, and you'll probably have to take them home a couple of times, but stick with them because they'll grow out of it.

8.

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You meet The Goblin on the day you move in, and then you don't see them for two weeks. About a month in you discover they have this whole massive group of friends associated with an obscure hobby they're super enthusiastic about, but you still only see them when they're telling you off about your washing up.

9.

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At the front of every lecture is The Mature Student. They actually want to be there, and they probably have breakfast before 9am lectures. They're changing up their life, having a fresh start, or enjoying their retirement. They answer every question and do all the required reading, and if you ask nicely they'll lend you their lecture notes.

10.

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They make house party chill out rooms feel really authentic. They're the person everyone admits they fancy about three weeks in. Everyone loves The Twat With The Guitar, except the guy in the next room, who can hear him "Wonderwall"-ing at 2am.

11.

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The Mega Lad was born for freshers' week. They'll become a BNOC (big name on campus) in the first week by doing a streak around the halls while strawpedoing a whole bottle of wine. Everyone will think they're soooo much fun. Until they go too far and put their dick in a dead pig's mouth or something.