back to top

24 Tweets About Kids That Will Make Every Parent Laugh

"When you have kids, 'sleeping in' is just lying in bed trying to figure out what that crash was."

Posted on

1. This adorable Father's Day card:

3yo (in bathroom): Mummy, can I put this sticker on Daddy's card? Me (in bed): Yes. 3yo: Will he love it? Me: Yes.

2. This list of serious grievances:

Kids' complaints on vacation: - No wifi on beach - Sand is sandy - Ocean has salt in it - Lobsters? I want pizza. - Too outdoorsy outside

Advertisement

3. This excellent resolution method that we could all learn from:

5yo and her friend just ended an argument by deciding they would "have a piece of cheese and calm down" So, yeah, she's mine.

4. This plumbing dilemma:

Our laundry room flooded because an apple chunk clogged the washer hose. Go ahead, have kids. They have pocket apples.

5. This unique look at the infant learning experience:

Steps babies take to learn about the world: 1) look 2) touch 3) smell 4) taste 5) destroy

6. This simple fix:

My 3yo "accidentally" unspooled the entire roll of toilet paper. But don't worry, he "fixed" it.

7. This clever parenting hack:

If you wait long enough to make dinner, everyone will just eat cereal. It's science.

Advertisement

8. This simple joy in life:

Just saw a cement mixer truck on the street and got excited. THIS IS WHAT FATHERHOOD HAS DONE TO ME!

9. This catch 22:

Parenting is stressful because when kids are loud, they're annoying and when they're quiet, they might be about to lose a limb or eyeball.

10. This interactive learning experience:

Just taught my kids about taxes by eating 38% of their ice cream.

11. This great logic:

[At dinner] Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? Me: Probably like 90% D: So it's 10% balls? Me: *spits out food*

12. This fancy outfit:

I let my toddler dress herself. She's wearing a cupcake.

Advertisement

13. This important information announcement:

Me: [in bathroom] 7yo: [knocks] MOMMY? Me: Yeah pal 7: IT'S ME Me: I know 7: YOUR SON Me: Knew that too

14. This silver lining:

watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence at least we don't have to save for college

15. This genius idea:

I'm not saying I'm a parenting expert, but letting your kids have ice cream for breakfast makes the morning more pleasant.

16. This young talent:

Flyer for 7's band.They've already broken up 3 times & no one can play an instrument. Obviously, the next big thing.

17. This clever bargaining:

KIDS: [from the kitchen] dad…may we have ice cream? ME: no you may not [long pause] K: dad…may we be forgiven if we already had ice cream?

Advertisement

18. This specialised parenting diet:

The 20 pounds you put on making sure your toddler's leftover food doesn't go to waste. - The Toddler Twenty

19. This new kind of luxury:

When you have kids, "sleeping in" is just lying in bed trying to figure out what that crash was.

20. This insight into the world of work:

4-year-old: Why do you go to work? Me: They pay me a salary. 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: I don’t even like celery.

21. This modern parenting dilemma:

*looks up from phone* "Kids!! we're leaving the playground in 22 percent."

22. This modern day warfare:

I'm at my most hostage negotiator when I see my 3 year old holding a permanent marker without the lid.

23. This handy alarm clock:

I woke up with a toddler's foot under my chin trying to pry my head off like a bottle cap in case you were thinking about having kids.

24. This race of a lifetime:

7: I'm beating you! Me: Ok. 7: I'm way ahead! Me: I see that. 7: I'm gonna win! Me:.... My son on the carousel horse in front of me.

Promoted

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!

Dismiss