Buzz·Posted on 8 Jul 201625 Things Kids Have Said That Will Actually Make You LaughYou will never be as funny as these children.by Flo PerryBuzzFeed StaffLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. kelly oxford @kellyoxford 7yo just discovered Beyonce's album on her iPod also includes the movie. She gasped, "I can watch this when I poop!" 02:16 AM - 28 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Ciara @ciaraa00 Tbt to when my fish that lived for 3 years died and I didn't have a picture with it so I made my mom take one 06:24 PM - 25 Feb 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Valerie @ValeeGrrl Summer Break: Day 9 7yo: DO LADIES BREAK UP WITH BOYS CUZ THEY FART? Me: No? 7: GOOD CUZ THAT WOULD BE MEAN Plz, school. Take them back. 08:30 PM - 06 Jul 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. Lou Whiteman @louwhiteman I think my kid just declared prostitution a government service. 09:48 PM - 26 Mar 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. Grayson Lamontagne @graysonl3 It was princess day at dance and one little girl came as a hot dog I have never admired someone more 10:51 PM - 09 May 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. Marlebean @Marlebean 4: Mommy, you're just like a Disney movie. We should play pretend. Me: Aww! Sure! 4:You can be the Beast. Me: ... 4: Or the fat sea witch! 03:36 AM - 17 Apr 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. Lil Ugly @_0k4y Today was crazy hair day at my lil cousins school and this is what her mom did to her she's so extra I love it 03:14 PM - 25 Apr 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Valerie @ValeeGrrl 8yo: On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me 5 golden 6: BUTTS 8: 4 calling 6: BUTTS 8: 3 French 6: BUTTS 8: MOMMYYYYY 08:09 PM - 24 Dec 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. Anicca @13adh13 I just want someone who looks at me the way my brother looks at ketchup 10:21 PM - 23 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. Simon Holland @simoncholland [5:45 AM, in a harsh whisper] Daddy, don't worry, you can sleep. I'm making my own breakfast, how do you turn on the oven? Me: I'm up. 12:47 PM - 21 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Victor Pope Jr @VictorPopeJr My son got mad at me yesterday and opened all the bananas in the house. What type of passive aggressive monster... 06:02 PM - 09 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Kristin @FeralCrone 4yo son said the word prototype. When I asked him what it meant, he said "People are a prototype" and I was too scared to ask what he meant. 09:19 PM - 07 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. jamilah lemieux @JamilahLemieux She's mad at the sun for going down #minimilah 12:25 AM - 09 Apr 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Valerie @ValeeGrrl Me: [in bathroom] 7yo: [knocks] MOMMY? Me: Yeah pal 7: IT'S ME Me: I know 7: YOUR SON Me: Knew that too 05:26 PM - 19 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. 16. Josh @iwearaonesie watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence at least we don't have to save for college 09:23 PM - 27 Jan 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. EuroKate™ @KateOfHysteria When your child and your dog disappear upstairs for an hour, you should totally be suspicious. 07:45 PM - 20 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Exploding Unicorn @XplodingUnicorn 4-year-old: Why do you go to work? Me: They pay me a salary. 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: I don’t even like celery. 08:25 PM - 28 Feb 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Master of Mediocrity @charliedelta7 7: I'm beating you! Me: Ok. 7: I'm way ahead! Me: I see that. 7: I'm gonna win! Me:.... My son on the carousel horse in front of me. 02:20 AM - 13 Mar 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. Melissa @meliperr The 7 yo's got a flair for the dramatic. 05:53 PM - 10 Apr 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. ReasonsMySonIsCrying @ReasonsMySonCry My 3yo "accidentally" unspooled the entire roll of toilet paper. But don't worry, he "fixed" it. 12:36 AM - 24 Oct 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. kelly oxford @kellyoxford 7yr old "Do women get their periods on weekends too?" Me "Yes" 7yr old mutters to herself "Jesus Christ" 02:03 AM - 20 Nov 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. Sarah Dempster @Dempster2000 3yo (in bathroom): Mummy, can I put this sticker on Daddy's card? Me (in bed): Yes. 3yo: Will he love it? Me: Yes. 08:22 AM - 21 Jun 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. dadmissions @Dadmissions dad: "come on, you guys are LATE!!!!" 11yo: "you should have started YELLING at us earlier!" 03:37 PM - 30 Jun 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 25. Jess @jessokfine My 2yo said she is a grown up. I told her she isn't, that she is a toddler. She replied, "No, I'm a grown up. I'm going to touch knives." 02:16 AM - 29 Jun 2015 Reply Retweet Favorite