1.
7yo just discovered Beyonce's album on her iPod also includes the movie. She gasped, "I can watch this when I poop!"
2.
Tbt to when my fish that lived for 3 years died and I didn't have a picture with it so I made my mom take one
3.
Summer Break: Day 9 7yo: DO LADIES BREAK UP WITH BOYS CUZ THEY FART? Me: No? 7: GOOD CUZ THAT WOULD BE MEAN Plz, school. Take them back.
4.
I think my kid just declared prostitution a government service.
5.
It was princess day at dance and one little girl came as a hot dog I have never admired someone more
6.
4: Mommy, you're just like a Disney movie. We should play pretend. Me: Aww! Sure! 4:You can be the Beast. Me: ... 4: Or the fat sea witch!
7.
Today was crazy hair day at my lil cousins school and this is what her mom did to her she's so extra I love it
8.
8yo: On the 5th day of Christmas my true love gave to me 5 golden 6: BUTTS 8: 4 calling 6: BUTTS 8: 3 French 6: BUTTS 8: MOMMYYYYY
9.
I just want someone who looks at me the way my brother looks at ketchup
10.
[5:45 AM, in a harsh whisper] Daddy, don't worry, you can sleep. I'm making my own breakfast, how do you turn on the oven? Me: I'm up.
11.
My son got mad at me yesterday and opened all the bananas in the house. What type of passive aggressive monster...
12.
4yo son said the word prototype. When I asked him what it meant, he said "People are a prototype" and I was too scared to ask what he meant.
13.
She's mad at the sun for going down #minimilah
14.
Me: [in bathroom] 7yo: [knocks] MOMMY? Me: Yeah pal 7: IT'S ME Me: I know 7: YOUR SON Me: Knew that too
15.
16.
watching the kids play hide and seek in the park and mine just hid behind a chain link fence at least we don't have to save for college
17.
When your child and your dog disappear upstairs for an hour, you should totally be suspicious.
18.
4-year-old: Why do you go to work? Me: They pay me a salary. 4-year-old: Me: 4-year-old: I don’t even like celery.
19.
7: I'm beating you! Me: Ok. 7: I'm way ahead! Me: I see that. 7: I'm gonna win! Me:.... My son on the carousel horse in front of me.
20.
The 7 yo's got a flair for the dramatic.
21.
My 3yo "accidentally" unspooled the entire roll of toilet paper. But don't worry, he "fixed" it.
22.
7yr old "Do women get their periods on weekends too?" Me "Yes" 7yr old mutters to herself "Jesus Christ"
23.
3yo (in bathroom): Mummy, can I put this sticker on Daddy's card? Me (in bed): Yes. 3yo: Will he love it? Me: Yes.
24.
dad: "come on, you guys are LATE!!!!" 11yo: "you should have started YELLING at us earlier!"
25.
My 2yo said she is a grown up. I told her she isn't, that she is a toddler. She replied, "No, I'm a grown up. I'm going to touch knives."