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21 Things You'll Understand If You Don't Enjoy Clubbing

"Yes, please take my money so I can hang out in this noisy, sweaty room full of strangers."

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1. It's always too loud to hear what anyone is saying.

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You like your friends, that's why they're your friends. You like talking to them, sharing conversations and jokes. So why would you spend time with them in a place where doing so is near impossible?

3. Everything happens very late at night.


Most of these places don't open until 10pm, and then they don't get good until midnight, and that's just the lame ones. The really ~cool~ ones don't get going until like 2am, which is well past anyone sensible's bedtime.


4. There is never any food.


No lovely welcoming bowls of snacks, no reasonably priced fast-food menus. Why hang out somewhere where it is near impossible to do the best thing life has to offer – eat?

5. You usually have to pay to go in.


And you don't even know if you'll like it when you get in. You often don't know how many people will be inside, what music there will be, and if it will smell bad, but you have to pay anyway.

7. When you get inside the drinks are usually ridiculously overpriced.


Or there'll be a deal on sambuca shots that is the only affordable thing in the club, so you'll end up doing sambuca shots, and that can only end badly.


13. Strangers will come on to you.


It's dark so you can't really tell what anyone looks like, which means everyone suddenly wants to make out with each other. And as it's too loud to hear what anyone is saying, they will communicate their desire with creepy dance moves.


14. And if you do want to make out with a stranger you'll have to do it in a crowded, hot, sweaty room, with everyone watching.

17. You can't choose the music.

You can plan to go to a clubnight that plays your favourite type of music, and you can request from the DJ, but there is no guarantee that they're gonna fulfil your musical wishes.

18. Instead of a club, you could go to a pub.

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Pubs usually have cheaper drinks, and you can drink them sitting down, with your friends, and you can hear what your friends are saying.

19. You can dance and get drunk at home!

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Buy some reasonably priced alcohol from your local supermarket. Invest in some speakers, and there you go. You have your own club! And you can even order pizza.

20. If you like other people you can even invite friends over to your house.

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Then you have a house party, and house parties are better than clubs in every single way. You can choose the music, you can buy cheap drinks, you don't have to pay, you can have a quiet room with soft seating. YOU CAN HAVE SNACKS.

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