1. There were three types of teenage house party: Either it happened because someone's parents decided to go on holiday without them.
2. Or the parents kindly went out to dinner so the kids could have some harmless fun.
3. Or the parents were just hiding upstairs the whole time.
4. If the parents knew the party was happening, they might have been kind enough to provide a modest selection of alcopops.
5. When you were younger, a few alcopops were all you could ever want in the world.
6. But when you hit your late teens you wanted something more exciting.
7. You'd buy your Glen's from the corner shop that would serve literally anyone.
8. You'd pre-mix your Glen's before you got to the party and then swig it out of a two-litre lemonade bottle all night to stop anyone nicking your alcohol.
9. Or if you were on a budget you'd go for the cider "sharing bottle" option.
10. When people started running out of alcohol they would start raiding the parents' drinks cabinet.
11. After everyone got drunk it would suddenly become "bants" to eat the weirdest food in the host's fridge.
12. Someone would insist on taking hundreds of pictures.
13. There was always one person who insisted on playing drinking games and was very militant about the rules.
14. You could never actually hear the music you were dancing to, because no one ever owned good enough speakers.
15. Because teenage relationships usually only last about five weeks, there would probably be a breakup at the party.
16. And about five other couples would form, usually involving the people who just broke up.
17. Which meant upstairs bedrooms were hot property.
18. And one couple would lock themselves in a bathroom, and then all the boys would pee in the garden.
19. By Monday morning the whole school would know exactly who got with who.
20. At least one person wouldn't be able to handle all their WKDs, and if stuff got really bad their mum would have to pick them up.
21. If you were lucky you went to one properly wild house party in your whole adolescence, and the police probably turned up at half one.
22. Everything else was a larger gathering.
23. But it was still the most fun you had before you turned 18.
