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21 Things You'll Only Understand If You Cycle In London

Everyone on the road is a complete idiot, apart from you obviously.

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1. There is a small part of you that thinks you might die every day.

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2. Because you are just a small, soft, fleshy lump surrounded by a lot of large, hard, metal lumps.

And if they wanted to they could squish you really easily.
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And if they wanted to they could squish you really easily.

3. You spend most of your commute being very angry at drivers.

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4. There are the idiot drivers who insist on overtaking you going up to a red light, where you will then overtake them again.

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5. And there are the idiot drivers who beep at you when you literally have no where else to go.

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Do they want you to cycle on the pavement? Are they just saying hello? Is it a sexy beep? You will never know.

6. And then there are the ones who seem to just be out to kill you.

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You know the ones that turn left without indicating or just pull out in front of you.

7. You spend all of the time you are not angry at drivers angry at other cyclists, or pedestrians.

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Basically there is never a time where someone isn't being a twat.

8. You probably have a certain type of vehicle that you've decided is out to get you.

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9. And there is a certain type of bike that you think only twats ride.

Instagram: @lexalondon

You know it's wrong but you probably either hate Boris bikes, fold up bikes, or bikes with weirdly small handle bars.

10. If other people don't kill you it feels like the pollution probably will.

Changing the filters on my cycling anti-pollution mask. This is what a few months of London air looks like:

11. Or maybe you'll just drown in the weather.

Instagram: @dizarangel

12. Sometimes it feels like even the bike lanes are out to get you.

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13. And even the helpful ones seem to be full of parked cars half the time.

14. Most of the time all you'll get is a faded bike symbol in the middle of the road as a half-hearted reminder to drivers that you exist.

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15. You can't help but occaisionally accidentally race other cyclists.

Especially if they're all decked out in lycra, and you're cruising by casually in jeans.
Twitter: @everyone_bikes

Especially if they're all decked out in lycra, and you're cruising by casually in jeans.

16. You've done things that you really judge other cyclists for, like cycling on the pavement or running a green man.

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But you only do it because you're scared of being squashed.

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17. But occaisionally a driver will let you pull out on a busy road and everything in the world will seem good again.

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18. Or you'll share a knowing smile with a fellow cyclist just after you both nearly got killed.

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It's the little things in life.

19. And you know it's all worth it for the time where it's sunny and you speed past a load of stationary traffic on a well built cycle lane.

Instagram: @sundays_cc

20. Or when you get to wizz through a park on your way to work.

Instagram: @de

21. And at least you don't have to get the fucking tube.

Instagram: @nicoskinner