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    21 Things You'll Only Understand If You Cycle In London

    Everyone on the road is a complete idiot, apart from you obviously.

    1. There is a small part of you that thinks you might die every day.

    2. Because you are just a small, soft, fleshy lump surrounded by a lot of large, hard, metal lumps.

    3. You spend most of your commute being very angry at drivers.

    4. There are the idiot drivers who insist on overtaking you going up to a red light, where you will then overtake them again.

    5. And there are the idiot drivers who beep at you when you literally have no where else to go.

    6. And then there are the ones who seem to just be out to kill you.

    7. You spend all of the time you are not angry at drivers angry at other cyclists, or pedestrians.

    8. You probably have a certain type of vehicle that you've decided is out to get you.

    9. And there is a certain type of bike that you think only twats ride.

    10. If other people don't kill you it feels like the pollution probably will.

    Changing the filters on my cycling anti-pollution mask. This is what a few months of London air looks like:

    11. Or maybe you'll just drown in the weather.

    12. Sometimes it feels like even the bike lanes are out to get you.

    13. And even the helpful ones seem to be full of parked cars half the time.

    14. Most of the time all you'll get is a faded bike symbol in the middle of the road as a half-hearted reminder to drivers that you exist.

    15. You can't help but occaisionally accidentally race other cyclists.

    16. You've done things that you really judge other cyclists for, like cycling on the pavement or running a green man.

    17. But occaisionally a driver will let you pull out on a busy road and everything in the world will seem good again.

    18. Or you'll share a knowing smile with a fellow cyclist just after you both nearly got killed.

    19. And you know it's all worth it for the time where it's sunny and you speed past a load of stationary traffic on a well built cycle lane.

    20. Or when you get to wizz through a park on your way to work.

    21. And at least you don't have to get the fucking tube.