The 18 Stages Of A Walk Of Shame

Or rather, stride of pride. Amirite?

1. You wake up and it dawns on you that you’re not where you normally wake up.

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2. You start remembering what happened last night.

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There was drinking. Whatever happened, it definitely involved alcohol.

3. You assess how hungover you are.

How likely is it that you will throw up in the immediate future? Is there water within arm’s reach?

4. You try to get a sneaky peek at whoever is lying next to you.

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5. You check your phone, and it has died.

No chance of knowing the time, where you are, if you have any Instagram likes. How will you survive?

6. There’s no way you’ll escape without any interaction with your “lover”, so at some stage there will some awkward conversation.

7. You will also have to get dressed in front of someone else while trying to look nice.

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8. There may be some interaction with your new friend’s housemates.

They will do their best to “act normal”.

9. If you catch your reflection in a mirror, you will wonder how anyone ever found you attractive.

10. You ask your host where you are.

They name an area of town you know exists, but that is all you know about it.

11. And then you must face the outside world.

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12. Deciding how to get home is a complicated process.

Can you afford a taxi? Will you puke in the taxi? Are there even buses in this part of town? Is that an underground station or a doorway to hell?

13. You feel like you might as well look like this.

All those random strangers in the street are DEFINITELY giving you funny looks. It might be because you’re dressed for a fancy club at 11am on a Sunday.

14. You pray you don’t bump into anyone you know.

15. If you do happen to be unlucky enough to encounter a friend, small talk won’t come easy.

“I just love going for early morning walks to kick my hangover, in this random location specifically.”

16. Unless it’s a really good friend.

17. However short the journey home, it feels like an epic struggle.

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18. But when you finally get home, nothing has ever felt so good.

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Flo Perry is a staff writer for BuzzFeed and is based in London.
 
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