34 Reasons Why No One Should Ever Live In Hackney
Definitely not the best part of London. Nope. For sure. Terrible.
Because the streets are just so boring.
And our canals are just muddy and brown.
Because the parks are all really ugly.
Seriously, they look terrible all year round.
Because it's way too polluted for any wildlife to thrive.
Definitely wouldn't want this guy to be your neighbour.
This chap looks like a pest.
And it's all just so unpicturesque.
Because no one should ever have to live this close to a canal.
They're just such an eyesore.
Because industrial buildings are just so bland and underwhelming.
Because there's nothing you'd want to buy in our markets.
Six metres of gorgeous fabric for £5.99? You're alright.
Nope, don't want to eat those.
Because there's just no history in Hackney.
Because who would want to swim in a 50m outdoor heated pool in the heart of London?
Because instead of a king living inside this castle, it's just a boring rock climbing centre, open to everyone.
Because the Hackney Empire definitely doesn't put on the best pantomime in London every single year.
Because you can't get a good pizza anywhere.
Because a good fry-up just doesn't exist in Hackney.
And nobody even knows what a roast is.
Because street food is all the rage in Hackney, and that stuff is gross.
And everyone knows that pubs with massive gardens suck.
Because Hackney is just full of warehouses and tower blocks.
And everything else is just chain shops.
Because the Overground is definitely worse than the tube in every single way.
No one would want to cross this bridge every day.
Would rather be in a tunnel.
Because nothing happens in Hackney.
Because there are no views in Hackney.
And it's all so grey.
Because you definitely couldn't do this in Hackney.
So whatever you do, never live in Hackney.
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