61 Things You Learn Living In London Your Whole Life
You learn all the pubs that will serve you when you're underage, then never go back to them the minute you turn 18.
1) You were born on a certain side of the river and you're sticking with it.
2) This also applies to either side of Marble Arch.
3) In fact London is actually divided into four and if you were born in one quarter you kind of hate the other three.
4) They still haven't finished London yet, and they never will.
5) There will never be a time when every escalator in Kings Cross will be working at the same time.
6) You know which pubs serve the underage.
7) And you will never, ever visit these pubs after the age of 18.
8) Sometimes you think it will be funny to go back there.
9) And it isn't.
10) But you kind of miss the fact that every person you knew would be at the same pub.
11) That will probably never happen again.
12) Not all Wetherspoons were born equal.
13) Some are actually really nice.
14) Some are total hell holes.
15) Your local kebab shop is definitely the best in London.
16) But actually the best kebab shop is on Green Lanes.
17) You will still get lost on a regular basis.
18) Especially trying to find major landmarks in central london.
19) Where the hell is Buckingham Palace?
20) There will be more than one occasion where a tourist will ask you for directions and you will accidentally point them in the wrong direction.
21) You get over the guilt surprisingly fast.
22) There will be many "must see" tourist attractions you've never been to.
23) I doubt we're missing anything.
24) There will be some tube stations where you never have to look at a sign.
25) Until they fuck you over by bringing in a stupid one way system.
26) Looking at you Kings Cross.
27) London is constantly changing and you can't quite believe a car park in Peckham is a hip place to be.
28) But some things will never change.
29) There will probably always be a £1, 99p, 98p, and a 97p shop on Stoke Newington High St.
30) Because the competition keeps them on their toes.
31) Most Woolworths were replaced by a Little Waitrose.
32) How to get into certain parks at night.
33) Which parks don't feel like the set for your own murder at night.
34) How to avoid Oxford Circus.
35) But despite all your best efforts you still end up going there way too often.
36) You will go to Tiger Tiger in Leicester Square once.
37) But sadly you end up going to Cheapskates way too much.
38) How far you are willing to travel on a night bus will decrease dramatically with age.
39) But your knowledge of night bus routes will never leave you.
40) G A Y bar sells the cheapest drinks in central London.
41) Your sports education is seriously lacking compared to people who grew up in the countryside.
42) Because your school's gym may have been sold off for luxury flats.
43) And Regents Park stopped you playing hockey because it ruined the fields for the Frieze art fair.
44) You miss your Zip card every day.
43) Before Zip cards you definitely changed the dates on your bus passes with a Biro.
44) No one ever got caught doing this.
45) You spent at least half your adolescence on a bus.
46) You now hate all teenagers on the bus.
47) The drinking ban on public transport changed nothing.
48) It doesn't get any worse than waking up on a night bus and not having any clue where you are.
49) You will keep bumping into people you knew when you were five because no one ever leaves London.
50) In some other cities there aren't shops open 24 hours a day selling alcohol.
51) These places are missing a trick.
52) It snows in London once every three years and it's all brown slush within 15 minutes.
53) Those first 15 minutes are truly magical.
54) Getting angry at someone on public transport never solved anything.
55) The tourists will never learn.
56) You just get better at crowd weaving.
57) London is the best place to grow up.
58) Because a little bit of the whole world is in London somewhere.
59) And because of the buses.
60) The buses are fucking great.
61) Apart from the 214.