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21 Things Everyone Who's Been To Klute Just Gets

Everyone in Durham knows it was the second-worst nightclub in Europe, but the first one burnt down.

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1. When you get to Klute it will either be empty or there will be a massive queue.

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Klute is never at the perfect level of full where it has an atmosphere, but you can still move.

2. Between the months of December and February the road down to Klute is basically a vertical ice rink.

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Really fun when you're pissed and in heels.

3. Empty Klute is a sad, sad place.

But when the loan has run out and it's free before 11 you just have to accept it.
Flo Perry / BuzzFeed

But when the loan has run out and it's free before 11 you just have to accept it.

4. If Klute looks empty the only reasonable thing to do is to go next door to Jimmy Allen's and get pissed on Jonny Woodgates.

Jonny Woodgate: Triple vodka mixed with two WKDs.
Twitter: @Ollie19Hewitt

Jonny Woodgate: Triple vodka mixed with two WKDs.

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5. And then head back to Klute for a quaddie.

EXCEPT YOU CAN'T BECAUSE THEY STOPPED DOING THEM.But you can probably still get a half quaddie. And then just drink two of them. I KNOW IT'S NOT THE SAME.
Kyle Wong / Facebook: KluteDurham

EXCEPT YOU CAN'T BECAUSE THEY STOPPED DOING THEM.

But you can probably still get a half quaddie. And then just drink two of them. I KNOW IT'S NOT THE SAME.

6. Or maybe a Jäger train if you're having a quiet night.

7. Every time you go to Klute there will be a group of people in matching T-shirts.

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Probably on some awful social.

8. There will also be several people in fancy dress at all times of the year.

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Seeing a Roman soldier snog the face off Harry Potter is a regular sighting in Klute.

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9. And a lot of naked people.

WHY IS KLUTE FULL OF TOPLESS MEN! #uniyes

10. You can't go to Klute without getting hit on.

Klute isn't really a nightclub, more of a mating ground.
Flo Perry / BuzzFeed

Klute isn't really a nightclub, more of a mating ground.

11. And you can't get off with someone without it being photographed multiple times.

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12. Everyone has a different dirty rumour about someone doing a sex act in Klute.

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Probably about a girl giving head behind the cash machine / having sex in the upstairs loo.

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13. You see the most random things on the dance floor.

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Flute in Klute, why not? There is also an urban legend about the staff finding a dead rabbit at the end of the night.

14. This is an accurate picture of the upstairs Klute toilets most nights.

They always flood. Klute is a very wet place, very near a river. It's amazing it's not like Atlantis by now.
Carlo Saraceni / wikigallery.org / Creative Commons

They always flood.

Klute is a very wet place, very near a river. It's amazing it's not like Atlantis by now.

15. And these stairs are basically just a slippery death trap.

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16. Old Klute was infinitely better than new Klute.

Quaddies were £4 and everything in the world was as it should be, kind of.
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Quaddies were £4 and everything in the world was as it should be, kind of.

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17. You haven't really graduated from Durham University unless you've brought your parents to Klute.

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18. The only properly good thing about Klute is the smoking area.

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It's the size of the club and you can actually talk in it. These days it even has a bar.

19. Though it's the reason why it's so easy to lose everyone you know in Klute.

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The smoking area staircase and two doors turn the entire club into a never-ending circle of drunk.

20. Klute playing anything other than pure cheese is just wrong.

It was best in the old days when they only had one playlist and you could tell the time from what song they were playing.
Twitter: @KluteDurham

It was best in the old days when they only had one playlist and you could tell the time from what song they were playing.

21. And you can't leave Klute until you hear "That's Amore".

View this video on YouTube

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It sounds very different without a couple of hundred drunk people singing along.