21 Things Everyone Who's Been To Klute Just Gets

    Everyone in Durham knows it was the second-worst nightclub in Europe, but the first one burnt down.

    Flo Perry
    by Flo Perry

    BuzzFeed Staff, UK

    1. When you get to Klute it will either be empty or there will be a massive queue.

    2. Between the months of December and February the road down to Klute is basically a vertical ice rink.

    BBC1

    Really fun when you're pissed and in heels.

    3. Empty Klute is a sad, sad place.

    Flo Perry / BuzzFeed

    But when the loan has run out and it's free before 11 you just have to accept it.

    4. If Klute looks empty the only reasonable thing to do is to go next door to Jimmy Allen's and get pissed on Jonny Woodgates.

    Twitter: @Ollie19Hewitt

    Jonny Woodgate: Triple vodka mixed with two WKDs.

    5. And then head back to Klute for a quaddie.

    Kyle Wong / Facebook: KluteDurham

    EXCEPT YOU CAN'T BECAUSE THEY STOPPED DOING THEM.

    But you can probably still get a half quaddie. And then just drink two of them. I KNOW IT'S NOT THE SAME.

    6. Or maybe a Jäger train if you're having a quiet night.

    Twitter: @KluteDurham

    7. Every time you go to Klute there will be a group of people in matching T-shirts.

    8. There will also be several people in fancy dress at all times of the year.

    9. And a lot of naked people.

    Beth McGarrick @BettyGrape

    WHY IS KLUTE FULL OF TOPLESS MEN! #uniyes

    Reply Retweet Favorite

    10. You can't go to Klute without getting hit on.

    Flo Perry / BuzzFeed

    Klute isn't really a nightclub, more of a mating ground.

    11. And you can't get off with someone without it being photographed multiple times.

    12. Everyone has a different dirty rumour about someone doing a sex act in Klute.

    BBC

    Probably about a girl giving head behind the cash machine / having sex in the upstairs loo.

    13. You see the most random things on the dance floor.

    14. This is an accurate picture of the upstairs Klute toilets most nights.

    Carlo Saraceni / wikigallery.org / Creative Commons

    They always flood.

    Klute is a very wet place, very near a river. It's amazing it's not like Atlantis by now.

    15. And these stairs are basically just a slippery death trap.

    16. Old Klute was infinitely better than new Klute.

    twicsy.com

    Quaddies were £4 and everything in the world was as it should be, kind of.

    17. You haven't really graduated from Durham University unless you've brought your parents to Klute.

    18. The only properly good thing about Klute is the smoking area.

    19. Though it's the reason why it's so easy to lose everyone you know in Klute.

    Walt Disney Pictures

    The smoking area staircase and two doors turn the entire club into a never-ending circle of drunk.

    20. Klute playing anything other than pure cheese is just wrong.

    Twitter: @KluteDurham

    It was best in the old days when they only had one playlist and you could tell the time from what song they were playing.

    21. And you can't leave Klute until you hear "That's Amore".

    View this video on YouTube
    youtube.com

    It sounds very different without a couple of hundred drunk people singing along.