1. Giving a polite answer to the question "How was your weekend?" without actually giving any details of what you did with your weekend.
2. Closing a tab in 0.43 seconds when you sense that your boss is nearby.
Boss: mike Boss: Mike Boss: Mike Ginn Me: whaaa sorry was just... doing an email
"What do you mean I was looking at cute pictures of cats? Of course I was looking at this interesting spreadsheet."
3. Always knowing to plan to "work" from home after a night of heavy "networking".
4. Having a diverse vocabulary of sneaky looks to give to your work BFF in every meeting.
5. Double-triple-checking you're in the right Gchat window when you're about to send a bitchy message.
6. Taking over an hour for your lunch break, but not so much that it's actually noticeable.
7. Being reasonably civil to people who you're actually very annoyed with, every single day.
How to be a grown up at work: Replace "Fuck you" with "Ok, great"
8. Enthusiastically volunteering to go on any errands that involve leaving the office.
9. Remembering all juicy pieces of work gossip that you hear, even if you were so wasted you don't remember anything else about the office party.
10. Sneakily taking your phone to the toilet so you can have a quick Candy Crush break from work.
11. Labelling all your food, and all communal office food that you want to save for yourself, so that no one else dares steal it.
12. Stealing things from the fridge that are labelled with someone else's name and only feeling a tiny bit guilty about it.
13. Avoiding all tasks that involve printing something.
14. Eavesdropping, but making it look like you just casually stopped in the middle of the office to look at that interesting pile of paper.
15. Drinking the perfect amount of coffee so you can stay awake, but without getting the caffeine shakes.
16. Signing a birthday card without actually knowing who it's for.
17. Avoiding eye contact when your boss asks if anyone is free to work on the weekend.
18. Having a sixth sense for when there's about to be some free food.
19. And finding any excuse to expense lunch.
