17 Things That Would Have Been Useful To Learn In School

    The quadratic equation is counted as a basic life skill, but how to leave group messages isn't?

    Flo Perry
    by Flo Perry

    BuzzFeed Staff, UK

    1. How to cancel plans and shake off friends.

    Touchstone Pictures

    You bump into an old friend in the street. You used to see each other out of convenience, but your circumstances have changed and you haven't seen each other in months. Suddenly you blurt out "Lovely to see you, let's go for a drink sometime." How do you stop doing that?

    2. But also how to become super best friends with new people.

    LogoTV

    You meet someone at a party and they are the most fun ever. How do you become best friends with them without seeming too keen? Or is keen the new cool?

    3. How to leave group messages politely.

    Fox Searchlight Pictures

    You were invited to a thing you couldn't go to four months ago. And everyone still uses the thread to make brunch plans every weekend. How do you subtly sneak out of the thread but still get invited to brunch occasionally?

    4. How to be the guy that interrupts people smoothly.

    NBC

    And not the person who gets interrupted while telling a boring story.

    5. How to tell if the anecdote you're about to tell is going to be boring.

    youtube.com

    What do you do when you're halfway through telling a story and suddenly you realise it's really dull? Do you give up? Plough through and hope your audience is very polite? Or do you pepper it with lies until it's fun?

    6. How to tell when someone has a massive crush on you.

    Walt Disney

    There should be detailed lectures on all the signals to look for. Or at least extensive workshops on building up the courage to ask someone out. And not in a creepy way.

    7. How to send the perfect flirty text.

    FOX

    The line between flirty and creepy is thin and dangerous. There should be whole university courses devoted to how to stay on the right side of it.

    8. How to analyse the exact meaning of text messages.

    BBC

    "Fine." "OK." "See you later." WHAT DO THESE REALLY MEAN?

    9. How to fill awkward silences.

    NBC

    Do you ask questions? Do you talk about yourself? Or do you just try to make it into a comfortable silence?

    10. How to respond when your colleague asks you how your weekend was.

    Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation

    Never actually tell them what you did on the weekend.

    11. How to dress "smart casual".

    BBC

    Ditto "lounge suit".

    12. How to network.

    Channel 4.

    When people say they got their job because they met someone on a train and just got chatting and exchanged business cards or something and now they're the boss of everyone. How does that happen?

    13. How to be tired at the time you're meant to go to sleep.

    banteratbest.tumblr.com

    Maybe it would be better if we all had enforced bedtimes for life.

    14. How to craft the perfect comeback.

    SNL Studios

    Or maybe they should just give you a book of all the best ones and set it as a GCSE poetry text.

    15. What all the people who work in offices actually do.

    USA

    What is a consultant, or an analyst, or an adviser, and what the hell do they do all day, and how do you become one?

    16. How to be an adult generally.

    Channel 4

    Just a little warning that being an adult involves a lot of paperwork. And maybe an explainer on how often you're meant to hoover.

    17. How to get cats you meet on the street to like you.

    youtube.com

    How do you get the little kitties that you see on the street to be your friend? Is there a way?